Naughty nuns and fucking under "The" cross...

So, now, a few months in and a few good and few bad experiences into, this whole swinging scene, I'd like to highlight something that still totally baffles me. Perhaps it's just because of my upbringing in the Southern Baptist Christian denomination, but I will never forget the looks of absolute confused horror when when my lover and I walked into the house of the first couple that we met through sls.com and found a bookcase prominently displayed in their living room which resembled a bookshelf found at your local Christian bookstore (a bookstore which is fairly opposite of the bookstore pictured to the right).

This couple was apparently very active in their local church; her dad is a deacon and their children are being raised to be good little Sunday School Christians. And yet this couple claimed to want to want to get to know us; in the biblical sense (pun intended, Lol).

No where in the Christainity in which I was raised is there room for swinging. In fact, just coveting, the "wanting of," your neighbor's wife is a sin tantamount to murder in their god's eyes. People are branded whores if they have sex outside of a god-sanctioned marriage. And, adultery is punishable by death in the Bible. Yet this couple wanted to get completely naked with us (NOT part of their wedded coupleness) and fuck like bunnies in their king-sized bed under the watchful eyes of a tortured and dying man? I would like someone to explain to me how the mental chasm is breached.

How does a person honestly and actively practice a religion in which it's preached that so little as lusting after anyone can land you in hell for all eternity and yet meet up with couple after couple for the express purpose of breaking all moral laws that your religion teaches?

How can a man forward "come-to-jesus" emails and texts interspersed with his "can't wait to fuck your pretty little red head off" texts to me (a complete stranger and definitely NOT his wife) with a good conscious?

Talk about a total dichotomy.

Needless to say for many reasons, we did not swing with this couple. The moral confusion they exuded every day was enough of a turn off that we were about ready to just take playing with them in the bedroom off the table before things went wrong on so many other levels as well.

Now, I have absolutely no problem with any religion so long as you aren't forcing it down my throat. Christianity, while not for me, has done a lot of good for a lot of people, and more power to you if you have found a spiritual path that works for you. 

BUT, you cannot expect me to want to fuck you if you tell me me in one breath that you "can just tell I'm angling for a hard spanking" and the next minute talk about your church's Sunday services and how meaningful they are to your family. 

I prefer my fucking without the side helping of hellfire and guilt, thanks.

The only religion that I want in my bedroom is a naughty nun costume... ;-)

Me? Anti-Feminism?

How can watching a woman being loved on by a man be anti-female in any way?

I sometimes wonder at the blogs I read.

Who are these people who think that they can post "x" and not get a response from me? Why would they put a thought as insane as that out there in cyberspace if not to get a response like the one I am about to leave them?

I've noticed many different types of adult ("sex") blogs that are written by females. In general, I feel that I can split most of the female-written sex blogs I read regularly into one of two groups - they have either a "gender equality" slant or a "pro-feminine" slant to the writing. Both are forms of feminism (looking at them objectively). The term "feminist" has negative connotation to me, but I use it here since it seems to be the "IT" word for modern females.

My blog or at least my outlook on life which should be reflected in my blog is from a definite pro-feminine viewpoint. Here are my simplified definitions of these two terms stated as neutrally as I can manage to define them given I feel so strongly in line with the pro-feminine stance personally. One thing to take notice of is that BOTH of these feminisms believe that the "worth" of a person is not determined by their gender. 

Gender-Equality: a belief system in which a person believes that all men and women are inherently the same and should be treated as such. These feminists believe that the only difference between the two genders is in genitalia and they are constantly striving to make the world be just as gender-blind as it is color-blind (at least as color-blind as it's become over the past 50+- years).These are the feminists that have made Virginia Military Institute (VMI) open to both genders, these are the feminists who bring lawsuits against the PGA or NFL for not allowing women to compete, and these are the feminists who have created a workplace environment where women no longer have to put up with sexual harassment.

Pro-Feminine: a belief system in which a person believes that men and women should be treated equally in life and the workplace and neither gender should be looked down on any more then the other simply because of their gender, BUT these are also people who also believe that women and men are VERY different in very fundamental, biological ways. These feminists believe that each gender should embrace the differences that their gender embodies - but that neither gender is inherently better/worse or higher/lower then the other in life. These feminists are ones who also strive to have equal pay for equal work in the workplace, but they still want/expect men to BE men (do the soldiering, open doors, perhaps even be the main breadwinner in a household).

Now the main issue behind this whole rant is that I have a subscription of Playboy (and Penthouse and Maxim for that matter…). I am 26 years old, straight (maybe bi-curious), and ALL female. Yet I ordered these magazine subscriptions while single. Apparently I am on the complete other side of the fence then the "gender-equality" camp of women regarding the whole porn issue.

I believe that the fact that many in society view females as sex objects is equaled out by the fact that we, as women, can/could use our sexuality (our sex-object-ness) in order to get things that we want/need in life. The fact that some men may see it (being a sex object) as a demeaning thing shouldn’t bother us, as that attitude just makes them easier to push around. Now I’m not a man-hater, or a sneaky manipulating bitch, or anything like that … I am mainly being extreme to make these points - “use what you have” and “men and women ARE different and we should embrace those differences.” Also, I think if a woman wears lipstick and has her self-esteem wrapped up in her looks, then she is just being a normal human with her own issues … Personally I could never justify blaming Hugh Hefner because I can’t go a day without mascara…

And, yet when I posted a comment stating this opinion on a blog that was trying to blame the porn industry for ALL of womens' issues, I got the response of:

"Major FAIL at the feminism! Feminism is about women having choices and about equality between everyone. Porn is demeaning to woman and there is no way that a self-respecting woman could ever look at or support porn and still consider herself doing anything good for any feminist causes."

I wish someone could tell me why my attitude a "fail" at feminism? But, none of the blog responders could explain it and I eventually gave up the discussion. If feminism is about woman having choices- and a female is CHOOSING to use her sex-objectness (by being in or enjoying porn) instead of bitching about having a sexuality - then more power to her. Using your personal assets as positives in your life is not manipulation (any more then any basis for a relationship is by default). Using your assets as assets is simply being smart.

It’s all in your perspective; either the couple has a healthy, happy relationship (which always includes give and take from both parties). Or the couple is just manipulating each other … the man is just using his “protect the girl” instincts as part of the package to “manipulate” the woman into finding him useful and keeping him around. And, the woman is just using her “sex-object-ness” as part of the package to “manipulate” him into staying around and being faithful.

 
If a woman finds that she is “empowered by being a sex object,” then how is it wrong of her to embrace that? Even if a person truly believes that embracing sexuality it hasn’t helped anyone historically, why is she responsible for all of society’s “women” and not just for herself. If she has found something that works for her, more power to her.

I truely don’t feel that I am anti-female by being pro-sexuality … however, I guess if I have failed at feminism, then so be it. That's really OK with me because “feminism” it isn’t a label I generally claim as fitting me anyways. I truly enjoy the fact that I am female and I enjoy the that my differences from men give me the ability to be desired by men - if being PRO-female is being ANTI-feminism... then I am as anti-feminism as they come.

Wanting my feminine body / heart / soul to be wanted by a man is about as pro-female as I can imagine anything to be...

Explaining Donkey Shows to the Incredibly Naive...

I was watching "House" reruns this afternoon and I was reminded of the first time I saw this particular episode. I was watching it with a friend of mine (who we'll call Liz for the purposes of this blog), who is very much the epitome of a conservative Christian. In general, House is TV that is safe for us to watch together since, "while there is some cussing and dis-respectfulness from the main characters, there is very little gore and next to no sex" - there is even fairly little of that dreaded nudity that religious people seem to be so afraid of.


I'm going to go off on a slight tangent here and state that I have no freaking idea why most religious people think that it is better for a person to see someone’s intestines spilled out on the ground and/or their heads detached from their bodies and fountains of blood created, then it is for a person to see an image such as this one to your left...

 

...and how this girl can somehow be more "damning" and "damaging" then some of the scenes from movies like "Saw" or "Hostel" is beyond my understanding.

Anyways...

In the beginning of this particular episode, Dr. House was working in the outpatient section of the hospital doing his clinic hours (he seriously hates dealing with the with the general public... well... human being in general he really prefers to avoid). And during this particular day in the clinic, one of his patients is a 20-something, fairly heavily made-up, pretty woman who, though many sarcastic innuendos, House discovers is a local prostitute *insert witty banter here* and House seems like he is in heaven being around this sexually confident, slutty woman (and I am using the term "slut" with the utmost respect... it is never meant to be an insult when I use that word).

The whore ends up revealing to House that she has a sore throat and a rash on her neck and upper chest. House deduces (through many TV appropriate double entendres), that she contracted this rash through her work. Apparently, when a human woman gets in too close with any member of the equine family (horses, mules, etc...), there are certain types of diseases that can be contracted inter-specially. The prostitute then leaves House with a flyer (which we never see) inviting him to come watch her performance. Fun stuff - I was definitely amused, my friend was looking more and more perplexed as the scene went on. 

Ok, quick recap --- a whore has gotten a disease from a donkey. Pretty self-explanatory, eh? I mean she is already sexually, ummm, enlightened, yeah, that it...  How do YOU think she caught a disease from a donkey? .......... That's what I thought - Sooooooooo obvious!

Since I have no desire to post pics of an ACTUAL "Donkey Show" in this blog...

Above is the most tasteful picture of naked women and a horse that I could find.

 

I mean with all the cowgirls and horse enthusiasts out there how rare is it that the general public hears about an interspecies disease from horseBACK riding. Diseases like this must be more common amongst horseCOCK riding enthusiasts. Well, at the end of the show, House goes to a Christmas Eve church service, and the camera pans to show the prostitute playing Mary in a live nativity scene. 

My naive friend, Liz, says, "OH! That's how the horse is involved, I was wondering about that."

 

I should have kept my mouth shut. I really REALLY should have. But, instead, without thinking, I laugh at her and unconsciously blurt out something to the effect of "Geez, no way, that woman had sex with that donkey or at least with SOME horse if not that one - I mean, seriously, how else would SHE have gotten the rash and yet no one else in that nativity or even the donkey's owner showed any of the same symptoms?" Open mouth, stick foot in...

So we end up having a long, detailed conversation with me explaining to going-into-shock-Liz about donkey shows in Mexico, women doing various species of animals, and the many other (in her mind) "sick" fetishes that her limited in scope imagination had never thought ANYONE would be interested in, let alone actually participate in.  Liz just kept repeating over and over that she wanted to know if these "perverts knew how many other good, wholesome things there are in God's world that they could be doing to honor Him and be respectful to the body he gave them rather then trying to have sex with a horse." 

I definitely opened the can of worms that evening, and like the proverbial train wreck, she kept asking questions about all of these topics that she really really REALLY didn't want to know about. I explained about clubs that my fellow college students had found while on spring break. Liz was completely aghast that $20.00 would get you in to watch a live show of a live human woman fucking a horse. 

I told her my personal opinion of bestiality too - lest she think that I am personally into this particular type of sex. Its really not that exciting; it's just completely, well, weird - though I suppose it's just one of those issues that is to each his own. But, in the words of that guy from The 40 Year Old Virgin… "you kinda feel bad for the woman, and the horse!"  

Have you ever googled horse porn? These two particular species just aren't physically compatible  to bring each other sexual pleasure. So this porn has to be just for the images and imagination of the viewers and not actually for either participants’ pleasure. The horse’s dick is way too long to even fit 1/10 of it inside a woman. 

Besides that a horse's cock never really looks like it ever gets completely hard. Though I suppose that would be difficult and take way too much of the beasts blood supply considering that his penis is usually close over 24 inches in length - even if we measured it proportionally, the horse's cock is way larger when compared to his body then a mans cock is - it would be like the human male having dick larger then a Pringles can / tennis ball tube thingy. Hence, the proportionally larger supply of blood that would be needed to keep that baseball bat sized thing hard on a horse would make the horse pass out from lack of blood to his lungs and brain.

Anyways, horse porn always looks like you're trying to stuff an uncooked steak into a limp balloon (get that mental picture in your head because that's exactly how it looks and I am not about to post any pics of that particular fetish here, Lol).

And, given these vast anatomical differences, how could any woman view sex with a horse as anything besides a pain in the ass? 


Pun intended...  hehe...


 

So, I finally shut my mouth from its incessant rambling and Liz sits there with a look of absolute horror on her face. Needless to say, despite the fact that she chose the TV show, and she asked the questions, and she never once asked me to change the topic or stop my explanation of the subject ... that evening was one of the last times that I saw my friend Liz. Somehow it was my fault that her "innocence" was destroyed by my knowledge of horse sex. 

I can't be blamed for her curiosity or demonized for being intelligent and informed enough in regards to all aspects of sexuality to be able to answer her questions ... but it doesn't really surprise me, given the level of religious brainwashing she's undergone.

I've always thought that the real reason she avoided me after that discussion was because perhaps, since she was SO sheltered in all areas sexual, she found herself enjoying the description of horse sex a little TOO much for her own comfort and ended up blaming me for giving her kinky, horny dreams of huge cocks... dreams which were so not in line with her church's teachings - well, if she did get to have some sweaty, orgasmic dreams that night, she was so lucky!

"Dear Kate" - The fear of the plastic dick

Dear Kate,

My b/f won’t let me bring any toys into the bedroom. How do I get him to open up to the idea?

Sincerely,

More Adventurous then Him

Dear More Adventurous then Him,

Get used to living without your toys or find a new b/f. Men who are so insecure in the bedroom that they “won’t allow” toys have many more issues then being afraid of plastic dicks.

Sincerely,

Kate

_________________________________________________________

I realize there are many reasons that people aren’t comfortable with sex toys. But, majority of the time it is because, in one way or another, they are prudes. That may seem harsh, but from the countless people I’ve talked to about this issue (I mean, what other topics are there to talk about with someone then their sex toy collection, lol), this is the only over-arching explanation I can find.

I know, of course, that some people have issues and can only enjoy sex with their toys and that is a problem. Anything to the extreme is not natural and should be worked on. And, in some cases, if BOTH partners are just plain not into toys, then more power to them as a couple. But, in general, being open to, and enjoying the occasional sex toy is simply a sign of a healthy sex life.

Men complain about women not being into sex. Women complain about their sex life being too boring to be into. Sex toys can fix both of these complaints! Now, I am SURE that everyone knows this, but women are just plain harder to please in the bedroom. To men sex is like pizza – even bad pizza is good pizza. To women I think sex is more like Japanese puffer fish – if it wasn’t prepared perfectly she will quickly lose all interest in eating it again (well, most likely die from the fish, but that doesn’t fit my analogy).

A man has to constantly work to make sure his woman enjoys sex – whereas a woman simply being physically present is generally enough for the average man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead men and contradict me, tell me how much connections mean to you, and how a woman who isn't into sex isn’t likely to capture your attention. But, unfortunately most men, once they feel connected to their partner stop trying to make sex about that connection. They forget about the upkeep that connection requires in the bedroom and instead, as long as she is putting out regularly, are fine with their sex lives. So, for this reason, most of the times when only one partner wants to introduce toys, it is more often the woman who is craving someTHING new in the bedroom (as opposed to men who tend to seek out someONE new when they are bored in bed).

I’ve personally dated (using that word loosely) men with varying viewpoints. I’ve dated a man who actually, seriously expected me to throw out my toys since I “had him now after all.”  And, I’ve dated a man who told me that his “broom is in the closet. Could you please rape me with it?” Somewhere between these two outliers on the bell curve is the normal healthy relationship between couples and sex toys.

I really don’t know any truly modern single woman under the age of 35 who doesn’t have her own toys (even if it is just one vibrator) and often a porn collection as well. But, so many couples seem actually scared of the change that toys could make in their sex life. Instead of welcoming something new (and un-dangerous and un-relationship threatening) to the bedroom one partner or the other ends up making their significant other wrong for wanting a change. People change, it is inevitable, your sex life as a couple will have to change throughout your years together or it will die.

Men (who aren’t into toys) seem to think it makes them less then a man when their woman enjoys toys – it’s as if he thinks that wanting toys mean his woman isn't happy with his cock.

Women (who aren’t into toys) seem to think that it is “degrading” to treat a woman like a toy. And many even seem under the impression that the very act of penetration is “against” the woman – even more so with a toy then a cock.

Both of these are what I call “prude-like” attitudes – and are old-fashioned viewpoints as well. They are also completely selfish, self-centered attitudes.  This type of person is focusing on how THEY feel about a sex toy, rather then focusing on how happy this new toy could make their partner. These people need to get off the high horse of sexual vanilla-ness. Everyone will eventually need to change their sexual lives to match the changes in themselves as humans and themselves as part of a couple.

Onto some tips… here are my recommendations for couples:

Mild: Twin bullets for the woman- one for her ass and one to hold on her clit as you fuck her. Vibrating cock ring for the man – keeps him harder longer and intensifies his orgasm when it comes.

   

Adventurous:  Butt plug for the woman – fills her up and makes it tighter for the man. Anal beads for the man – push them into him and as he is close to cumming pull them out slowly for very heightened orgasm.

Kinky: Bondage gear and massive dildo for the woman – Make her feel like the helpless woman who belongs to you. Stimulator and nipple clamps for the man – make every sensation intensified for the man as well as add a little pain/pleasure to the mix.

"Dear Kate" - She left me with my dick hanging out...

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Loosen up: Porn is a woman's friend.

My friends know they can come to me with any of their questions and I will do my best to answer honestly and succinctly. I can't count the number of times I've offended someone, only to have them come back to me a couple weeks later and sheepish inform me that I was right about their issues. The below blog came about from a friend of mine who started a conversation about porn and how she hated it when her husband looked at "that stuff." Even after over an hour of trying to convince her that she was over-reacting, I didn't think the point got through. We dropped the topic and it wasn't brought up again. But, then about two months later her husband cornered me in the grocery store and thanked me for talking to her... so something must have worked...

___________________________________________________

Dear Kate,

My man spends too much time looking at porn and jerking off how can I make him stop?

Sincerely,

Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

Put out more.

Sincerely,

Kate

_________________________________________________________

*giggling uncontrollably* ...

I honestly don’t get the big deal about porn. I mean outside of a conservative church I’ve yet to meet a man who doesn’t look at it regularly. And, I’ve really only rarely met a woman who doesn’t look at it at least occasionally. I understand that some people have an addiction to it and that can be unhealthy. But, for some reason women seem to take offense to their man looking at hot naked women fucking other men- wait… when I put it like that it sounds bad… I mean women get annoyed with their man being a man. It is not cheating to look a picture on a screen. It may be distasteful and disrespectful to do it in front of your woman if she has issue with it, but it’s not morally wrong.

Personally, I much prefer a man who is open about their porn habits then someone who is sneaking around with it. The men who are sneaky and hide it from you are the men who hide other women in their lives as well. Tho, if you are a prude and refuse to accept porn and other sexual needs of your man’s life then he has no choice to hide it from you (in that case him hiding things is your fault and doesn't necessarily mean he's a cheater). In my personal experience the only men who have hid porn from me (since I am open about the issue) are the ones who are generally sneaky and deceptive, and, we've never last long as a couple. I make the effort to openly allow completely honesty with little-to-no repercussions (ie I don't fly off the handle and start a fight every time he brings up an issue like porn). Hence a man who has no "reason" to hide things but still does, has deeper honesty issues; I don't deal with pathological liars for long.

Anyways, every man I’ve dated has looked at porn at the very least a few times a week - even when we're having sex every day. Sometimes they jack off, sometimes they don’t, but watching porn is just something they do. Looking at someone’s boobs is apparently just fun to do from a man’s perspective.  They are simple creatures, can’t blame them for wanting to look at what they don’t have... Female bodies' are beautiful to look at and sex is just plain hot to watch. How a person can look at pics like: (NSFW) sweet sex and think "Eww" is beyond me. Personally I prefer pics like: (NSFW) rough her up but that is just a matter of personal taste ;-)

Besides the honesty issue, porn is a great learning tool! I knew a lot more about sex then you could imagine before I had even kissed a guy. I can’t imagine having gone into that first time sexual encounter knowing only the mere basics of sex that I learned from my parents and friends throughout school (I grew up in a sheltered religious environment). “A man sticks his penis in your vagina” is not all a girl needs to know before actually experiencing it. Porn helped with that. Those years of sneaking onto the family computer after everyone else had gone to sleep and wide-eyedly staring through pages and pages of the google search results for the word "sex" was about as informative as all of my years of experience since highschool has been.

How else would I know about things like sounding, fisting, figging, coprophagia, water sports, hermaphrodites, canarijimmiphilia, balloon fetishes, and klismaphilia? I can tell you that my mind would not have come up with any of those on my own… and I can be pretty twisted. 

And, now I will wait while some of you search some of those fetishes in your search engine of choice……

Ok… satisfied your curiosity? If you really want to learn more about weird fetishes you can click this link to a map of them all organized and categorized. And, yeah, most of that you never will want to try with your partner... or maybe you will, who am I to guess... but in either case isn’t it interesting to know about? I mean how else would you learn how weird the rest of the world is without porn? Its a way to make yourself feel a little bit saner. Having an off-day? Feel like you don't fit in? Remind yourself that at least you are normal, at least you aren't a apotemnophiliac who can only get off by thinking about chopping off your own limbs.

Tangent over... also, how do you expect your man get off when you’re not in the mood? Everyone is into saying that sex is a biological need of men - so would you really rather he finds another partner then look at pictures? If you are the type of woman who doesn’t want to have to satisfy your man regularly even when you are supposedly in a monogamous relationship with him then be thankful that there ways for release for him without cheating. You don’t have as much to worry about if he is jacking off to the computer – worry when he stops looking at porn and you still aren’t putting out. 

So loosen up, women - Porn is your friend.

• If you want honesty in your relationship, a man sharing his love of porn is a good sign that he's honest with you  in other areas too.
• Watching porn together is a great way of connecting and spicing up your sex life.
• If you don’t know much about sex and want to learn then be thankful there is porn so you don’t actually have to meet up with nutcases to learn new sex tips.
• If you don't like sex, yet for some unknown reason want monogamy, you should be glad porn is out there to help a man be faithful to you.