Painful Pleasures

Below are a few pirtures from the recent fun I've been having. I will be writing more about the last few pictures at a later time as they are from a very intensely pleasurable scene I got to have tonight. I love meeting new people and learning new things from them. It's all SO much fun!!! And, I am about as unstressed as I've been in a long while. Pain is such a wonderful thing. Forget about going back on the anti-depressants, I just needed to reconnect with my masochistic side, Lol.

I also love that my man is man enough to know when to show humility and ask questions when needed. He is sensitive and kindhearted - yet a complete evil fucker when he's in DerBoss mode. I love it! Hehe!

He wants to be the best Dom for me that he can be. I think he already is, but he's set on learning all the new tricks to giving me pleasure (and pain) that he can possibly learn. How great is it that a man will arrange a time to have another man over to teach him how to better punish me? No pressure or pushing, just lessons for him and relaxation for me. A willingness to learn is not a trait you find in many Doms (in my experience at least), I am a lucky woman. Its a constant amazement to me how great he is - every day we are more and more in love.

Ok ok ok enough with the sappy stuff and on to the porn... :-)

Getting warmed up with my man's nice and thuddy hand smacking my ass. Got a nice pink glow getting started! His hands are amazing. I love when he uses them on me for pain and for pleasure. I am such a lucky girl! 

Working me over with the "Evil Stick"... the thing is down right evil and a horrible sting-ee pain. But, its a good hurt. I love that I am starting to show the purple bruises to match the pink glow and purple evil stick... Lovely, lovely.

Closeup of all the speckles and spots. I LOVE bruises and marks. Reminders of the fun times I just had, and reminders that I am an owned girl. I belong to my man, my love, my everything. He marks me with his marks so that I can never forget it. As if I could - but it's still YUMMY!

Sassy lil devil, aren't I? Have to wear the devil tail butt plug when I've been a naughty little girl. "Go tie yourself to the bed and get ready for your floggings" is heard almost nightly at my house ;-)

First time really playing with wax and knives... HOT HOT HOT! Can't even describe the intensity of all the sensations, especially since I was blindfolded and couldn't tell who was doing what to me or what was coming next... Mmmm...

Showing off the nice knife marks that I will be wearing for awhile... Have to admit, a little bit of fear and real pain brings out the best in me, Lol. I haven't been this relaxed in days!

Getting alternately poked and scratched with a knife then splattered with hot wax ... all while being pinned down and blindfolded... talk about sensory overload ... in the best possible way! Awesomeness!

First time trying "Fire Cupping" ... this is on my ass. Feels WONDERFUL! And not nearly as painful as this picture looks... kind of more like a giant gentle sucking hickey feeling... Very nice, very very nice.

Default Dominatrix - or - The Subs I've Had

I was thinking about it the other night, and even tho I consider myself naturally submissive and masochistic, I have played with more submissive guys then dominant ones. I guess you could say I am a default dominatrix. There just has seemed like there is a shortage of men around me who can step up to line I draw and actually top me. I am not an "easy" slave who is dying to please any man ... I am a sassy, bratty bitch who needs to be slapped around and made to submit.

Words have next to no effect on me - you have to physically MAKE me submit to you. Tell me to go to bed and stay there and I will stick my tongue out at you, tell you to fuck yourself and continue watching my TV show. Wrap your hand around my throat and growl threats in my ear as you drag me gasping to the bed and then force me down and beat my ass red, and I will stay in bed until you want me to do otherwise. Basically, I will keep pushing back and mouthing off until you spank me into subspace (or whip me there, flog me there, cane me there, choke me there, prick me there, etc...). Mmmm...

 Anyways, it takes a strong handed master to earn my submissive side - and those types of men are few and far between (at least in my life). Also, any man who wants my sub side, cannot switch. Once I know a man goes to bottom ... I lose all respect for him as dominant to me. Like I said, I'm a total bitch, Lol.

The men I seem to have the most history playing with starts out our online flirting telling me he is a dominant man who wants to have a woman who will play sub to him. BUT, what they end up meaning is that they are a total inexperienced vanilla guy who thinks that pulling my hair during doggy style constitutes playing rough with me. These men think that finding a sub means that the woman will get on her knees and give BJs on cue, maybe give up anal more then birthdays and Christmas, and basically take orders like a droid. Vanilla guys' idea of kinky is completely different then actual dom/sub play.

With these kinky vanilla guys, I never have much hope that they will actually submit me. But, true to form, when I meet a guy who says he want to top me, I push back and mouth off until I realize that they are doing what I tell them and not even trying to top me anymore. And, once I realize that I have the top, I have surprised myself by really getting into it!

I know what I like and what I want to feel... so I KNOW how to talk down to and rough up these little sissy's who thought they could push me around. My mental trail goes like this: This guy is sub, I can get anything I want from him. He does what I tell him. This is a total power rush. And, the guy is into really into it! It's almost a form of submissiveness for me to be doing something that he likes so much. He actually loves being made to give me orgasm after orgasm with his tongue - and then being made to give me a foot rub and watch a chick flick all while wearing a cock ring and butt plug. He doesn't get off til I tell him he can, and look at him, eager as a little puppy to please me.

It's amazing to me the different kinds of men that I have found turn sub on me at the critical moment. I have had a truck driver, a musician, and a marine sniper all play sub to my dominatrix. All three men were large beasts who were threatening to just look at. Just proves that you can't judge a man's dom potential by his looks.

The truck driver, "Ed," was 40, 5'10", Polynesian, 300lbs and built like the trucks he drove, or perhaps like a brick wall. He played dom to me for awhile, but then started asking me to top him more and more. He was probably the most experienced in the lifestyle of anyone I've ever played with - and he taught me a lot about what I liked in a dom before he switched on me and was constant sub. He liked me to order him around in bed and choke him to the point of unconsciousness. I didn't really mind giving him what he wanted, but I felt that he lied to me from the beginning by saying he was a Master (with the capital M) and then flat out refusing to top me after I started showing that I was a good dominatrix. That deception combined with him going and being an idiot by falling in love with me, ended that.

The musician, "Josh," was 33, 6'6", also 300lbs, due to his height the weight looked more proportionate, he had that dark, brooding artistic look. He wasn't so much "sub" as he just liked being a bottom in the bedroom. He liked me to use a dildo and fuck his ass while I beat him with my flogger (or bare hands). We took turns fulfilling each others fantasies. Playtime was fun. He discovered that he liked (more then anything else) me to fist his ass. He was a large guy, but he had a small asshole. It would take almost an hour of graduatingly larger toys until my hand could slide into his body. I would then reach around and make him cum with my other hand as the one inside him would ball into a fist and pound away. Since we didn't have any connection outside the bedroom (as in, we didn't spend more then about 3 minutes together that wasn't in my bed), when he moved to Chicago to finish grad school we lost touch.

And the Marine, "George," was 28 (but was worn and rugged and honestly looked closer to 40), was 5'10", and a solid, ripped, 200lbs. He was tattooed up the wazoo, mean looking, and an exfelon as well as a multiple kill sniper with the Marines ... he was also the most submissive little boy that I ever played with. He would do anything in any way I asked him to - he is the one that would walk around wearing a large butt plug that I inserted and would give me foot rubs and be completely content to sit on the floor by my feet while we watched a movie together as long as I was petting his head like he was the household dog. He was a bottom to the point that, had I been super kinky, this little boy in a steroid-pumped-up, convict's body would have sucked off a bull while I took a dump on his dick - he was just THAT submissive. It scared me to have someone be that submissive and into pleasing me (even tho I know it was his submissive side and not necessarily ME that he was into). I eventually ordered him to find a good vanilla girl and be happy with her because I couldn't handle the responsibility of this little boy needing me the way he did. The last I heard, he was married to a sweet little Asian girl that he met at a blood drive at the local university. Tho who knows, she could be a secret dominatrix too. I don't know about her, but I know I definitely could have used the below book when I was playing with him!

 
I thought about it and perhaps I am not as submissive as I pretend. Even tho what I truly CRAVE is a dominant man who can make me submit. I never fantasize about topping a man and I always dream about being bruised and sore from having a man whip my ass. I never wish I had a guy who's ass I could fist, and I do wish for a man to push his whole hand into my body. I don't go looking for a man to give me a foot rub, and I do crave to be made to kneel before my Master and deep throat him.

But, when push comes to shove, I've been told that I am a very good default dominatrix...

"Dear Kate" - Spanking the Monkey

Dear Kate,

I know that masturbating is a sin. But, I just can’t seem to help myself. What can I do to stop these evil urges?

Sincerely,

Sinning for Pleasure

Dear Sinning for Pleasure,

The only way I know of to stop those urges is to die – good luck with that.

Sincerely,

Kate

Dear Kate,

I am a happily married woman. I would never think of cheating on my husband. But, there was this really hot waiter at the restaurant yesterday and I went home and had a nice ummm “bubblebath” with him in my head. Now I feel horrible. Was that really cheating?

Sincerely,

Mental Cheater

Dear Mental Cheater,

You told me you are a happily married woman… you didn’t say anything about going blind. Imagination is god’s gift to the monogamous person.

Sincerely,

Kate

Dear Kate,

My girlfriend and I have an active sex life, I honestly can’t complain. However, I still like to have some “me times” occasionally. My g/f pitched a bitch fit the other day when she walked in on me. She told me that if I was honestly in love with her and satisfied with her that I wouldn’t ever want to do “that dirty thing.” Am I really supposed to choose between my girlfriend and my hand?

Sincerely,

Torn

Dear Torn,

Well, I doubt this is the first time the topic has come up so why did you let your oversensitive g/f catch you? You say you have an active sex life and yet your g/f considers masturbation dirty? She might have bigger issues then you’re letting on. Tell her that sex is like a restaurant. Just because you order a salad from time to time doesn’t mean you honestly prefer it over the Filet Mignon.

Sincerely,

Kate

_______________________________________________________________

I have to say. People are very very screwed up when it comes to self-love. I have honestly talked to many people (mostly religious ones) who think that getting yourself off is a sin paramount to sex before marriage. Basically these types of people expect everyone who isn’t married to have no sexuality whatsoever. It’s a fear thing. If you can please yourself, then you aren't as driven to finding a mate (the only moral sex partner). And, then it follows that if you aren’t working on finding a mate then you aren’t making rugrats that can be brainwashed into thinking that they have to find a mate before mating. Geez.

Religion is the greatest form of social control invented. I honestly cannot understand how my own pastors' (and even parents) justified preaching at me that masturbation is something that a person should feel guilty about. Even when I try to look at it from a conservatively religious viewpoint - didn’t their god create everything? So aren’t these “urges” that well up inside a person from their god?

I think that it’s a great thing when a person is able to "take care of" themselves. There would be a lot fewer STDs going around if casual “hook up” sex" was forgone and replaced with pleasuring yourself. Why don't they see that it would be a safer, saner practice to teach people ways to fulfill their “urges” outside of marriage rather then expecting them to not have any desire until their wedding day? Its completely unrealistic and its creating more problems then it's ever helped end. It is just not right to try and force human beings to become choir boys and sunday school girls all because of fear of losing control over them. Certain religions focus on keeping people feeling guilty enough to keep coming back to the church for absolution. How messed up is that?

I would be in SO much trouble if the average person (even those who think they know me) knew half the things that went through my head in an average day: sexual fantasies notwithstanding. Everyone’s imagination is different - mine is very vivid and active. The average person can and does fantasize about any one that crosses their path. It is not cheating to think about someone other then your chosen mate during masturbation or sex.

Now if you let those fantasies take control of your mind and/or life then you have a problem. If you let it get to the point that you “have” to have that someone you’ve been imagining about you need to learn to let it go. You have to be able to understand the difference between fantasy and reality. Just because the garden boy is a awesome lover in your bubblebath fantasy that doesn’t mean that he is worth pursuing. Just because that waitress looks like the star of your favorite porn vid doesn’t mean that you should pursue her in expectation of her sex being like your fantasy.

I meet so many women (in general it is just women with this sexual problem) who seem to feel that if they so much as think about another man they might as well have fucked him. They hate that their man watches porn because they are jealous of the porn star getting any of their man’s attention. Females need to understand that what goes on in someone’s mind is just that, going on in their mind… it has nothing to do with their actions. Their actions prove what their mind has decided. If your lover is true to you and you are faithful to your partner then you have nothing to worry about if you occasionally have an incredible orgasm because of the man who washed your car for you that day.

I will put the caveat in here that unless you are very secure in your relationship and you and your partner are very open with each other, you should probably keep all mental images to yourself. No one wants to feel replaced or second best in your life. Unless you have the type of relationship that allows for that level of honesty you should keep your words to your partner in line with your actions not your fantasies – there is no need to tell your partner that you broke the dildo because the waiter got you all hot and bothered at lunch.

Guys and jacking off; I’ve harped on this before but seriously get over it already. Because men are such physical creatures be glad that they are happy to get themselves off sometimes instead of expecting you to do it five times a day. Almost every married woman I know absolutely hates the fact that her man might do himself once in awhile instead of doing her (even in marriages that she’s only receptive to him doing her Friday nights at 11pm). Even when I am in a relationship with a loving man and have no complaints about our sex life, both of us still enjoy pleasing ourselves sometimes.

There is no reason to think that masturbation is going to replace sex in your relationship. Unless your man has serious issues he will always still prefer you to his hand. But, I don’t know a woman alive who wants to have sex as often as a man wants to masturbate. I’ve talked to many guys about the topic and the average number of times that a man masturbates is 15-20 times a week (even when in a relationship). That’s 2-3 times a day! I would be rubbed raw if I had sex 2-3 times a day for any number of days in a row! Thank God he has his hand!!!

Getting off for the sake of getting off is not an interest to me. Maybe that’s the basis for the difference in men and women. Orgasms aren’t really that important to women. Men won’t believe that, but they aren’t. We’d much rather have a good man who keeps us satisfied outside of the bedroom and with whom we merely enjoy sex with then a careless insensitive man but who gives us awesome orgasms. Most women would seriously rather paint thier toenails and read a book then have routine, rote sex for twenty minutes before rolling to face the wall and going to sleep. BOOOOORRRRING. Sex should be, at least, fun. Since it’s the man who wants to have sex more often (in most cases), it's up to him to keep it fun.

That’s the main difference – Men want sex for an orgasm, so they easily get that orgasm from their hand. Women want an experience, so they don’t always grasp the purely physical side of sex that a man craves. Its natural to please yourself even when you're honestly and sincerely satisfied with your relationship’s sex life.

"Dear Kate" - The fear of the plastic dick

Dear Kate,

My b/f won’t let me bring any toys into the bedroom. How do I get him to open up to the idea?

Sincerely,

More Adventurous then Him

Dear More Adventurous then Him,

Get used to living without your toys or find a new b/f. Men who are so insecure in the bedroom that they “won’t allow” toys have many more issues then being afraid of plastic dicks.

Sincerely,

Kate

_________________________________________________________

I realize there are many reasons that people aren’t comfortable with sex toys. But, majority of the time it is because, in one way or another, they are prudes. That may seem harsh, but from the countless people I’ve talked to about this issue (I mean, what other topics are there to talk about with someone then their sex toy collection, lol), this is the only over-arching explanation I can find.

I know, of course, that some people have issues and can only enjoy sex with their toys and that is a problem. Anything to the extreme is not natural and should be worked on. And, in some cases, if BOTH partners are just plain not into toys, then more power to them as a couple. But, in general, being open to, and enjoying the occasional sex toy is simply a sign of a healthy sex life.

Men complain about women not being into sex. Women complain about their sex life being too boring to be into. Sex toys can fix both of these complaints! Now, I am SURE that everyone knows this, but women are just plain harder to please in the bedroom. To men sex is like pizza – even bad pizza is good pizza. To women I think sex is more like Japanese puffer fish – if it wasn’t prepared perfectly she will quickly lose all interest in eating it again (well, most likely die from the fish, but that doesn’t fit my analogy).

A man has to constantly work to make sure his woman enjoys sex – whereas a woman simply being physically present is generally enough for the average man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead men and contradict me, tell me how much connections mean to you, and how a woman who isn't into sex isn’t likely to capture your attention. But, unfortunately most men, once they feel connected to their partner stop trying to make sex about that connection. They forget about the upkeep that connection requires in the bedroom and instead, as long as she is putting out regularly, are fine with their sex lives. So, for this reason, most of the times when only one partner wants to introduce toys, it is more often the woman who is craving someTHING new in the bedroom (as opposed to men who tend to seek out someONE new when they are bored in bed).

I’ve personally dated (using that word loosely) men with varying viewpoints. I’ve dated a man who actually, seriously expected me to throw out my toys since I “had him now after all.”  And, I’ve dated a man who told me that his “broom is in the closet. Could you please rape me with it?” Somewhere between these two outliers on the bell curve is the normal healthy relationship between couples and sex toys.

I really don’t know any truly modern single woman under the age of 35 who doesn’t have her own toys (even if it is just one vibrator) and often a porn collection as well. But, so many couples seem actually scared of the change that toys could make in their sex life. Instead of welcoming something new (and un-dangerous and un-relationship threatening) to the bedroom one partner or the other ends up making their significant other wrong for wanting a change. People change, it is inevitable, your sex life as a couple will have to change throughout your years together or it will die.

Men (who aren’t into toys) seem to think it makes them less then a man when their woman enjoys toys – it’s as if he thinks that wanting toys mean his woman isn't happy with his cock.

Women (who aren’t into toys) seem to think that it is “degrading” to treat a woman like a toy. And many even seem under the impression that the very act of penetration is “against” the woman – even more so with a toy then a cock.

Both of these are what I call “prude-like” attitudes – and are old-fashioned viewpoints as well. They are also completely selfish, self-centered attitudes.  This type of person is focusing on how THEY feel about a sex toy, rather then focusing on how happy this new toy could make their partner. These people need to get off the high horse of sexual vanilla-ness. Everyone will eventually need to change their sexual lives to match the changes in themselves as humans and themselves as part of a couple.

Onto some tips… here are my recommendations for couples:

Mild: Twin bullets for the woman- one for her ass and one to hold on her clit as you fuck her. Vibrating cock ring for the man – keeps him harder longer and intensifies his orgasm when it comes.

   

Adventurous:  Butt plug for the woman – fills her up and makes it tighter for the man. Anal beads for the man – push them into him and as he is close to cumming pull them out slowly for very heightened orgasm.

Kinky: Bondage gear and massive dildo for the woman – Make her feel like the helpless woman who belongs to you. Stimulator and nipple clamps for the man – make every sensation intensified for the man as well as add a little pain/pleasure to the mix.