Sexual Labeling

I've been forced to re-evaluate my sexuality lately due to some really FUN evenings I've had here lately that have involved non-cock having people. I've always been comfortable with my label of "straight girl" even tho  I've always done things like decorate my house with female nudes, watch a lot of bisexual porn, etc...

My man says that "all women have a little sugar in their gas tanks, the only difference is the amount." And, while I do believe there are some truly straight women out there, I think he is right in that majority of women are a little flexible when it comes to sexuality. One of the many reasons that I agree with him is because, if you ask a room full of random people which Hollywood actor/actress of the SAME sex they would want to fuck, you will have to wait on all men to hem and haw, and discuss whether they would have to be the fucker or the fuckee, try and decide which actor looks the most like a chick, and generally try everything they can to get out of answering the question. BUT all the women in the room will have an answer almost immediately. They have thought about this before and have a woman in their mind that they want to see naked and want to play with - even the "straight" women. Personally, as I've said before, I've always had a crush on Catherine Zeta Jones.

So, anyways, I've decided to change my label from "straight" to "heteroflexible" after the past few evenings of swinging fun with our new friends with benefits (and, yes, there is a lot more fun going on then "Swinging Horrors" may have let on, Lol).  Heteroflexible is a new term to me, but I came across it the other day on fetlife.com and loved it. It seemed to encompass everything that I consider myself without the parts of the label bisexual that don't fit me at all. But since labels are all really meaningless and vague unless everyone is on the same page regarding them, I'm going to take a minute here to define all the levels of bi-ness that I've come across in my talks and experiences with women (and while I'm using these labels regarding women, they are completely gender-interchangable - just put "man" where I've typed "woman" and you should be good to go).

Homophobic: This is the uber-straight of the straight women. This woman is almost afraid of any touch from another woman (even strictly platonic). These women rarely touch other women more then a handshake and even the thought of being in a same bed swinging situation is "revolting" to them. We met one couple where the wife could easily have been labeled with this; she rarely so much as hugged me goodbye, and we were one of the few couples they had met as she really preferred to only have threesomes with her husband and other guys. And if they had met couples it was usually a separate room type of swinging because of her and that just would never work for my man and I (we like to watch each other, touch each other, kiss each other and generally just be with each other during sex even when we've invited others to join our playtime; being in separate rooms defeats the whole purpose). We never actually swung with this couple, mainly because of her attitude towards everything and everyone involved.

Straight: This is the label that most women (outside of the swinging scene and some of them in the lifestyle) choose for themselves. It means that the woman has no interest in being sexual with another women. Nothing that would be considered foreplay with a man would be done with a woman. No cuddling, kissing, or anything - but the woman isn't necessarily afraid of being in sexual situations with another female body present. When I was swinging in a previous relationship, we met a couple where the woman was "straight." We rented a hotel room for the evening with two beds and we "couple swapped" each staying in our separate beds. Occasionally the men would tag team one or the other of us, and while we both enjoyed watching the other woman getting fucked by two men (often from only a few inches away from the action), there was no direct interaction between her and I.

Bi-Curious: This is the label that women pick when they have no experience with other women as of yet, but when they are open to getting some of that experience. They may go out and eat pussy the next chance they get or they may never touch a woman, but they are openminded towards the idea of being with another woman sexually. A bi-curious girl, once she gets enough actual playtime under her belt will usually change her label to either "heteroflexible" or "bisexual" - so this label is more of just a holding place for the open minded then an actual description of what a woman likes sexually (and I know this is probably MY personal definition more-so then what others would use this term to describe).

Heteroflexible: This is where I fall in the sexual spectrum. This is a woman who will do almost anything with another women as long as it's all in a fun playtime type situation. We are NOT attracted to women emotionally at all, and rarely would consider playing with a woman without having a man or men present in the room, but as long as it's a group activity, we are down for anything two women can do to each other. I have played with my girlfuckbuddy a couple times now and it feels so awesome to have my hands on her pussy, to feel her shudder and hear her moan and know that it's ME that is giving her that pleasure. I have always enjoyed kissing females, and hey, close your eyes and you've no idea what gender has gone down on you anyways, so as long as it feels good, it is good.

Bisexual - Women who are bisexual are just that - attracted to both sexes equally. These women could have boyfriends OR girlfriends and in a swinging situation will fuck either gender with equal gusto. Again in the previous swinging relationship I was in, we played with a couple who's female was bisexual. In the end, I couldn't play with them because she was not respectful of any limits/rules I had at the time. Eventually her and I got comfortable enough with each other that we shared her husband on occasion, but we never tried  interacting because whenever we did since she was SO bisexual she couldn't stop herself from crossing all lines and making me uncomfortable. Her bisexuality led to her going out almost weekly and finding some chick to bang. And, when I became single and she would head out for the evening she would call me up and ask that I come entertain her husband for her. We coined the term husband-sitting for my services. Since I was single and not interested in a relationship and she wanted to go find a woman to fuck and her husband didn't want to sit at home alone, but didn't want to worry about taking a random girl home and that chick falling for him and messing up his marriage the situation worked perfectly for all involved.

Lesbian: This woman is basically the same as a straight woman, except replace the man in her life with another woman. She has no interest in interacting with a man, and would only be in a swinging scene with other women, or sharing a woman with the man, but not interacting directly with the men in the room.

Polyamorous: This really isn't a sexuality; it's a lifestyle. But, since so many of the people we've met in the swinging scene are polyamorous as well as whatever other sexual label they claim, I think it deserves it's own section here. You can be any one of the above labels AND polyamorous (or any one of the above labels and emotionally monogamous). Polyamorous women claim to not be able to handle monogamy and that they are able to love more then one person at a time. They often have a boyfriend AND and girlfriend and they may live with one or more of the people they are in relationships with. Sometimes the poly-woman's boyfriend and girlfriend are dating each other as well, so all three pile in the bed every night.

Personally, I cannot fathom feeling the love I have for my man for anyone else. It's because I love him with all my heart that I am able to swing with him and give him other women to enjoy and have his pleasure in fucking them bring me nothing but pleasure. If my heart was divided, then I could not care about him as much as I do, and I could not feel like swinging with him - for if my heart was divided I would live in constant fear that his heart could become divided by one of these women I share his body with and then he and I would not have US anymore. US is too important to both of us to ever risk losing us by dividing our hearts.

But, since we are just a emotionally monogamous swinging couple - we don't have anything to worry about. My man is stoked that I've decided to change my sexual label from straight to heteroflexible... in his words watching my girlfuckbuddy and I go at it it is "scorching and sizzling and just plain awesomeness." I believe that both him and her husband could have sat their on their respective couches and just watched her and I play on the living room rug all evening. But, they eventually left their seats and joined us. It made for a perfect orgy of limbs and cocks and wetness and heat. After awhile you lose track of whose hands are where and the orgasms overshadow the gender of the person with their tongue on your ass.

Swinging Horrors, Take One.

My man is an awesome chef. He does most of the cooking  around our house. His specialty is Mexican food - burritos, fajitas, tacos, enchiladas, etc... So I said this to him... "Hun, you know that even tho I love your Mexican food, and I absolutely LOVE when you cook fajitas for me, we both still enjoy going to El Gran Rodeo occasionally right? So what do you think about taking the same approach to our sex life?"

And... now my man and I have been doing the swinging thing for a few months! 

It's been, well, an experience to say the least. This is my second foray into the world of swinging and his first - although we've both had numerous casual and exotic relationships before. He's had many many threesomes as have I, and I've had many foursomes and moresomes. He's dated strippers and whores and been a pimp and a gigolo. I've had masters and slaves, I've had a sugar daddy and been the nympho in many relationships.

I could tell you stories upon stories of the first time a man and I tried swinging, and most of them would make you cringe rather then cum. So many people in this type of life are only in it for themselves. They are only in it because they aren't happy with their partner. Their attitude is more along the lines of "my lover sucks, in the bad way, so why don't I foist him off on some random girl while I get to fuck someone new and hopefully better then my own guy in bed, and if he is at all worth it I will then try to steal the new better lover away from his current relationship"(and of course that happens with both genders, not just women).

All that said, this is the first time and first relationship that either my man or I have been in that we cared SO much about our partner and yet still wanted to try opening up the bedroom to others. I actually kind of find it ironic that one of the only men that I've dated who is completely happy with just me and just monogamy is one of the few that I'm trying to convert into a swinger... Other men and other relationships have been rocky from the start and I wouldn't even think of broaching the concept with them - because they would take the conversation me giving them carte blanc to go fuck anything that moves behind my back (which many of them did anyways).

I think that perhaps it is BECAUSE my man and I are SO stable and secure in our monogamy that we feel free to explore some different spices to add to our relationship. It is because I trust him completely with my heart, soul and body, that I trust that I can give him other women to play with and know that it won't end up in cheating and it wont be difficult  for us to do safely and honestly and that it wont mess up what we have. As I told him. If I had to choose between monogamy forever or messing up what we have, it wouldn't even be a choice in my mind, all other men would become faint blurs on the edge of my vision. And, because I know he feels the same way, we can add a little dash of this and that to our sex life and not risk what we are to each other.

I enjoy watching him have pleasure. Whether it's from me or another woman doesn't matter. I love him and hence his enjoyment alone brings me pleasure, and he is the same way. He knows I am going home with him at the end of the night, so why not be able to watch a live porn acted out in front of his eyes with the woman he loves as the star ... he's always had voyeuristic tendencies anyways! Lol.


Which is a good thing since the only way we will swing with anyone is after we get to know and like them as people. We totally understand if people only want a bedroom based relationship (and we don't think it's wrong in the slightest - just doesn't work for us). We are up front and honest with people from the get-go and tell them that we don't put out on the first date, and maybe not even the 2nd or 3rd. We give people the chance to back out because of this friendship first arrangement. If we meet them in person, then it's with the understanding that we all will spend numerous nights getting to know each other before anything more then a goodnight kiss occurs. We feel that the only way any of this will work is if everyone is honest and on the same page. So, we are very sure to lay it all out before meeting anyone.

Now given this approach of ours, we assume that we will avoid situations like what ended up happening many times to me the last time I was in this life. BUT it has happened to us. We have met many decent people who we've become friends with over the past few months. We have met a few absolutely awesome couples that we are enjoying getting to know and creating a friendship with in addition to all the benefits that we're enjoying as well. Two couples in particular we've become really good friends with and enjoy them in and out of the bedroom. 

One couple in particular I would like to gripe about for a minute and to use as an example of things NOT to do when getting into swinging. These people... we shall call them John and Mary... got the usual lecture from us before even a few minutes of chatting had gone by online (weeks ago). They knew we wouldn't meet til we got a feel for them, and we wouldn't hook up for at least a few face-to-face meetings had occurred.


Even after hearing all this, they continued to chat with us and flirt with us and talked about how awesome it was to meet people who actually wanted to be friends with them and not just get into their pants. It seemed like a promising start to a fun friendship. The only thing that made my man pause was how John would chat him up first thing in the morning and want to know intimate details about me and my pussy.

Anyways, the other night we decided to meet up with them for dinner. We figured it would be a safe time to meet since they "were in town anyways" for a football game that started at 7pm. So, we had a sure excuse to leave after an hour in case we didn't like them. Well, we didn't like them. John in particular was a total redneck creep. His pictures may have technically been him, but they did not show the dirtiness, rudeness, or the sausage like fingers that tried to grope me under the table. He had all the sex appeal of a "funny uncle" who will someday get caught on that "how to catch a predator" show. I cannot describe the deep instinctual shudders that ran through me after less then five minutes in his presence. But, since this scene is about only casual sex, and I claim not to be a shallow person, I didn't run screaming from the restaurant and attempted to give him a chance to have a winning personality or at least some kind of redeeming quality that would make me forget about the creep-factor.

It just went from bad to worse, but since we are decent people, we were friendly and fun and maybe a little more flirty then we should have been. We stood in the parking lot and chatted as I constantly edged further and further away from him as he tried to hone in on my personal space. They claimed their football game didn't actually start until 7:30pm now and that they didn't mind being late to it. We finally managed to make our excuses and got away from them. As we were waxing miserable about them in the car home, they called us and wanted to know if they could come over because they really enjoyed us and wanted to spend more time with us and even wanted to skip their football game (which was their whole reason for being in town in the first place) in order to be with us that night. We claimed tiredness and promised to get back to them by the end of the weekend.


Well, we sent them a very polite email within 24 hours which read: 

"Hey there! Thanks for meeting us last night. We appreciated the conversations and friendliness! For the sake of honesty, we wanted to let you know that we don't think that it will work for us in the swinging sense - the chemistry wasn't there, at least on our side. If you guys are OK with friendship, we would be cool with hanging out again sometime. Again, we enjoyed the company. Hope you have a good rest of the weekend!"

Then we got the following response: 

"your obviusly the new guys at this. there wasnt any chemistry there 4 us toward u.but we was going try to give it a shot.Good luck finding what your looking for . to be honest it will be hard for you to find any people that will play ur dum game of lets hang out till we feel like we want to have sex. most people dont have time to play the gettin 2 b friends game . we were willin to try it 4 you but no more.we dont want u guys anyways i do wish you well in finding what your looking for"

Well, at least he wished us luck, Lol. Come to find out, John has a horrible reputation in the local scene of being a total creep. I started talking to some of the other women I've gotten to know this time around in the lifestyle and they backed me up about him- which made me feel at least a little better. Apparently he has an uncircumcised  micro-penis with head cheese and only manages to keep Mary around because he swings with her (and allows her to swing without him). He did the same thing to keep his ex-wife and they eventually had to drive up to 6-8 hours away to meet couples who would actually meet them and they have never had a second actual sex swinging night with anyone because he is THAT bad. SO I've compiled a list of things we've learned from them:

• Don't constantly ask another man about his wife/gf's pussy if you claim to want to try and be friends.
• Don't come up with bogus reasons to be in the area near the people you want to swing with, otherwise they will find out that you've lied and then you've blown your first impression.
• Don't come to a first date dressed in too tight jeans and a black t-shirt with satanic symbols all over it. 
• Dont talk about planning to beat up your kids and their friends on a first date. 
• Don't eat 4 plates of chinese buffet and spill it all over yourself on a first date. 
• Don't stare at the cleavage of the female half of the couple you're meeting for the first time constantly to the point of NEVER meeting her eyes in a 90 minute time span. 
• Don't put your hands on the female unless her man invites you to.
• Don't act like you can't get enough of the couple and cant wait to have them if you plan to have sour grapes about the fact that they aren't into you. 
• Don't say you're ok with a friendship when you obviously are only into notching your bedpost. 
• Don't try to get in someone's pants when you have nothing to offer in yours (cleanliness and SKILLS count as something - at least have those).
• Don't send emails to couples that can be made fun of on SO many levels.   

 Don't come out of the Deliverance movie, period...

 

I love this blog and wanted to share!

I loved this blog!

Dirty Sex and Monogamy Is Lame, by Kiera (NSFW)

And, commented as such:

"I view sex the same way you do – it’s refreshing to know there are other women out there that think sex is awesome in and of itself!

I loved where you likened sex to hugs with your friends. Humans need to touch and be touched. I constantly crave the feel of a man’s body, hands and cock touching me, cuddling me, fucking me. I only ever actually “crave” the physical closeness of cock, and never have craved emotional closeness (that being said I have been dating a man I absolutely love for two years and we are open to others in our bedroom).

YES, you haven’t met the right guys yet. For years I “dated” an average of 3-5 cocks at a time and added new ones and weeded out the ones that didn’t work for me on a monthly basis. All of these men knew I wasn’t monogamous to them, and all of them LOVED the fact that I was a no-strings, sexually confident woman. Amazingly enough even tho I just wanted them for their cock, many of these men I grew to be very close friends – some I still consider among my best friends.

So, I definitely don’t think it’s being selfish, a greedy cock hoarder, lazy, or emotionally insensitive at all. As long as you are honest with the men you play with, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having your cock and eating it too!"