Sexual Labeling

I've been forced to re-evaluate my sexuality lately due to some really FUN evenings I've had here lately that have involved non-cock having people. I've always been comfortable with my label of "straight girl" even tho  I've always done things like decorate my house with female nudes, watch a lot of bisexual porn, etc...

My man says that "all women have a little sugar in their gas tanks, the only difference is the amount." And, while I do believe there are some truly straight women out there, I think he is right in that majority of women are a little flexible when it comes to sexuality. One of the many reasons that I agree with him is because, if you ask a room full of random people which Hollywood actor/actress of the SAME sex they would want to fuck, you will have to wait on all men to hem and haw, and discuss whether they would have to be the fucker or the fuckee, try and decide which actor looks the most like a chick, and generally try everything they can to get out of answering the question. BUT all the women in the room will have an answer almost immediately. They have thought about this before and have a woman in their mind that they want to see naked and want to play with - even the "straight" women. Personally, as I've said before, I've always had a crush on Catherine Zeta Jones.

So, anyways, I've decided to change my label from "straight" to "heteroflexible" after the past few evenings of swinging fun with our new friends with benefits (and, yes, there is a lot more fun going on then "Swinging Horrors" may have let on, Lol).  Heteroflexible is a new term to me, but I came across it the other day on fetlife.com and loved it. It seemed to encompass everything that I consider myself without the parts of the label bisexual that don't fit me at all. But since labels are all really meaningless and vague unless everyone is on the same page regarding them, I'm going to take a minute here to define all the levels of bi-ness that I've come across in my talks and experiences with women (and while I'm using these labels regarding women, they are completely gender-interchangable - just put "man" where I've typed "woman" and you should be good to go).

Homophobic: This is the uber-straight of the straight women. This woman is almost afraid of any touch from another woman (even strictly platonic). These women rarely touch other women more then a handshake and even the thought of being in a same bed swinging situation is "revolting" to them. We met one couple where the wife could easily have been labeled with this; she rarely so much as hugged me goodbye, and we were one of the few couples they had met as she really preferred to only have threesomes with her husband and other guys. And if they had met couples it was usually a separate room type of swinging because of her and that just would never work for my man and I (we like to watch each other, touch each other, kiss each other and generally just be with each other during sex even when we've invited others to join our playtime; being in separate rooms defeats the whole purpose). We never actually swung with this couple, mainly because of her attitude towards everything and everyone involved.

Straight: This is the label that most women (outside of the swinging scene and some of them in the lifestyle) choose for themselves. It means that the woman has no interest in being sexual with another women. Nothing that would be considered foreplay with a man would be done with a woman. No cuddling, kissing, or anything - but the woman isn't necessarily afraid of being in sexual situations with another female body present. When I was swinging in a previous relationship, we met a couple where the woman was "straight." We rented a hotel room for the evening with two beds and we "couple swapped" each staying in our separate beds. Occasionally the men would tag team one or the other of us, and while we both enjoyed watching the other woman getting fucked by two men (often from only a few inches away from the action), there was no direct interaction between her and I.

Bi-Curious: This is the label that women pick when they have no experience with other women as of yet, but when they are open to getting some of that experience. They may go out and eat pussy the next chance they get or they may never touch a woman, but they are openminded towards the idea of being with another woman sexually. A bi-curious girl, once she gets enough actual playtime under her belt will usually change her label to either "heteroflexible" or "bisexual" - so this label is more of just a holding place for the open minded then an actual description of what a woman likes sexually (and I know this is probably MY personal definition more-so then what others would use this term to describe).

Heteroflexible: This is where I fall in the sexual spectrum. This is a woman who will do almost anything with another women as long as it's all in a fun playtime type situation. We are NOT attracted to women emotionally at all, and rarely would consider playing with a woman without having a man or men present in the room, but as long as it's a group activity, we are down for anything two women can do to each other. I have played with my girlfuckbuddy a couple times now and it feels so awesome to have my hands on her pussy, to feel her shudder and hear her moan and know that it's ME that is giving her that pleasure. I have always enjoyed kissing females, and hey, close your eyes and you've no idea what gender has gone down on you anyways, so as long as it feels good, it is good.

Bisexual - Women who are bisexual are just that - attracted to both sexes equally. These women could have boyfriends OR girlfriends and in a swinging situation will fuck either gender with equal gusto. Again in the previous swinging relationship I was in, we played with a couple who's female was bisexual. In the end, I couldn't play with them because she was not respectful of any limits/rules I had at the time. Eventually her and I got comfortable enough with each other that we shared her husband on occasion, but we never tried  interacting because whenever we did since she was SO bisexual she couldn't stop herself from crossing all lines and making me uncomfortable. Her bisexuality led to her going out almost weekly and finding some chick to bang. And, when I became single and she would head out for the evening she would call me up and ask that I come entertain her husband for her. We coined the term husband-sitting for my services. Since I was single and not interested in a relationship and she wanted to go find a woman to fuck and her husband didn't want to sit at home alone, but didn't want to worry about taking a random girl home and that chick falling for him and messing up his marriage the situation worked perfectly for all involved.

Lesbian: This woman is basically the same as a straight woman, except replace the man in her life with another woman. She has no interest in interacting with a man, and would only be in a swinging scene with other women, or sharing a woman with the man, but not interacting directly with the men in the room.

Polyamorous: This really isn't a sexuality; it's a lifestyle. But, since so many of the people we've met in the swinging scene are polyamorous as well as whatever other sexual label they claim, I think it deserves it's own section here. You can be any one of the above labels AND polyamorous (or any one of the above labels and emotionally monogamous). Polyamorous women claim to not be able to handle monogamy and that they are able to love more then one person at a time. They often have a boyfriend AND and girlfriend and they may live with one or more of the people they are in relationships with. Sometimes the poly-woman's boyfriend and girlfriend are dating each other as well, so all three pile in the bed every night.

Personally, I cannot fathom feeling the love I have for my man for anyone else. It's because I love him with all my heart that I am able to swing with him and give him other women to enjoy and have his pleasure in fucking them bring me nothing but pleasure. If my heart was divided, then I could not care about him as much as I do, and I could not feel like swinging with him - for if my heart was divided I would live in constant fear that his heart could become divided by one of these women I share his body with and then he and I would not have US anymore. US is too important to both of us to ever risk losing us by dividing our hearts.

But, since we are just a emotionally monogamous swinging couple - we don't have anything to worry about. My man is stoked that I've decided to change my sexual label from straight to heteroflexible... in his words watching my girlfuckbuddy and I go at it it is "scorching and sizzling and just plain awesomeness." I believe that both him and her husband could have sat their on their respective couches and just watched her and I play on the living room rug all evening. But, they eventually left their seats and joined us. It made for a perfect orgy of limbs and cocks and wetness and heat. After awhile you lose track of whose hands are where and the orgasms overshadow the gender of the person with their tongue on your ass.

Anything besides vanilla is feared - Proposition 8

Comics against Prop 8 ... Jack Black is Jesus!

I just saw the video linked above the other day and I’ve been reading a lot of my fellow adult bloggers writings’ lately and it seems like the current hot button issue with many of them is the judge striking down “Proposition 8” in CA as unconstitutional. I’m putting my two cents out there regarding this next step towards making marriage legal for everyone.

For anyone who’s lived under a rock for the past year or so, Proposition 8 was a law enacted in CA that banned homosexuals from getting married. The religious right and their “marriage equals only one man and one woman” slogans and bumper stickers championed this proposition. People who believe things like “homosexuality is not just a sin against God, but a sin against nature" and “homosexual sex as harmful as drug abuse, prostitution or smoking” raised irrational fears and caused a panic. And, unfortunately the ban was initially passed. But, Proposition 8 was challenged almost immediately in the court system. This week, Federal Judge Vaughn Walker has struck down the ban stating it was unconstitutional because (the below is loosely quoted from a couple CNN articles):

“Proposition 8 demanded discrimination solely on the basis of sexual preferences and sexual orientation and it places the force of law behind discrimination against gays and lesbians and the belief that their relationships do not deserve the recognition of society. Proposition 8 somehow passed even though no rational basis for this discrimination was presented. The only reason for Proposition 8, he wrote, is a moral view that there is something wrong with homosexuals, and that is not a permissible reason for legislation. “Moral disapproval alone,” he wrote, in words that could help change history, “is an improper basis on which to deny rights.’”

OK. News flash over. On to the fun stuff. I’ve come to the conclusion that majority of people are afraid of anything except vanilla sex and they will do everything possible to try and squeeze the world into their idea of a “normal” life – married, 2.5 kids and a white picket fence in the suburbs and sex in the missionary position every third weeknight with the lights off.

Here is a little about me. My man and I have been together for over two years, and living together for almost that length of time. We both were tired of dating and agreed to go on one "non-date" and see what happened. Well, short story is that we clicked, and fast forward to today. We are still best friends, have never been seriously upset with each other, living together is awesome, and we are talking about opening up the relationship a little and bringing others into our bedroom (a friend of mine is going to film an adult movie at my house and we both want to ummm "entertain" the actors when they're off-camera. I mean, someone has to keep those cocks hard and pussies wet while they’re waiting for their turn in the spotlight- they can’t be allowed to go into the scene looking bored and limp).

I've been in the swinging scene before and the dom/sub scene, and heck, I was in college after all – I kissed a girl before Katy Perry made it cool. My Hunny has also had various levels of open relationships. But, even as great as things are with us, I have no desire to marry him, nor him to marry me.

I was at a cocktail reception in honor of a family friend the other day and a few different people whom I hadn't seen in 10+ years were making marriage comments to me. No matter how much I tried to explain that I wasn't interested, they seemed to think that it just meant that my man isn't the right one and when I meet "Mr. Right" I will want marriage and babies. Finally, I just started saying that I love my man, I love our life together and that I've no desire to change (and most likely ruin) our blissful relationship just because the sex-starved majority think that a ring should be my only goal. Then I asked them when the last time they had sex with the "love of their life" was because I can generally count the span between getting laid in hours ... and that shut them up. Mortified my mother, but it made the rude questions stop.

However, as much as I do not want marriage in my own life, I do NOT think it is the government’s place to legislate who I could or couldn’t marry! It seems to me that the very definition of separating church and state should have kept this proposal completely off the table. It’s beyond my comprehension how this supposedly free nation could have allowed a law to be passed when it does nothing but attempt to enforce the religious right’s fear of homosexuality.

Because that’s what it is - fear. Just because their holy book says so, the thought of two women or two men falling in love has been brainwashed into them as something ugly instead of something beautiful. I still remember the first time I caught my hunny checking out a chick a few weeks into our relationship. He realized I saw him and was doing that stammering thing that men do when caught in this situation. They are trying to think of some excuse for having eyes that still work when apparently most women think that men’s eyes are supposed to become defective as soon as they are in a relationship with him.

Joking aside, I am straight (mostly), but I do appreciate a woman’s body. We’re beautiful. I’ve had threesomes (MMF and MFF) and foursomes and I am not afraid of touching and being touched. There are quite a few things sexually that I have no interest in doing with a woman, whereas I have next to no limits with men (just the usual - no scat, kids or animals).

But, more importantly to the marriage subject, I’ve never felt even slightly emotionally attracted to a female. I have only loved men in that way. And, since marriage, under the fancy dress and ceremony, is just a legal contract to express the love and commitment that two people have towards each other, I would only ever take that step with a man.

This very fact, that I have a definite opinion about my own sexuality and who I would want to marry if I was so inclined and me knowing that these drives weren’t given to me by someone nor was I coerced into them through societal/religious brainwashing, makes me a complete believer in the fact that whether you’re homo or hetero is not a choice - it is in your nature. I don’t want someone telling me what I can and cannot enjoy in the privacy of my own home with a willing partner, so it only follows that I won’t tell someone else they can’t do “x” – fair is fair after all.

How would Proposition 8 proponents feel if we banded together and made it law that, oh I don’t know, having sex without using a whip was illegal? Or decided that no one was allowed to get married until they had fucked their partner regularly for at least a month? That last one is something which any sane person would do anyways, but most the Proposition 8 supporters that I know aren’t sane. They are all definitely more the “sex is a sin which will make me burn in a lake of fire for all eternity unless I have a ring on the third finger of my left hand, but once I get that ring then sex is OK in missionary position only” type of people.

I guarantee you that even they, these sex-phobic haters, would be on the side of personal privacy if it was theirs being threatened. How can they think that it is moral, by anyone’s standards, to outlaw something natural that people are born feeling/being? The last time someone tried to make genetic traits/heritage illegal/evil, he started World War II.

Besides all that, this is just plain hot!

(Can't forget all the sexy gay men, represented here with Adam Lambert! I love Glambert and his music ... 20 days until I see him in concert - it will be my first real concert ever, outside of small local bands at bars.)