Explaining Donkey Shows to the Incredibly Naive...

I was watching "House" reruns this afternoon and I was reminded of the first time I saw this particular episode. I was watching it with a friend of mine (who we'll call Liz for the purposes of this blog), who is very much the epitome of a conservative Christian. In general, House is TV that is safe for us to watch together since, "while there is some cussing and dis-respectfulness from the main characters, there is very little gore and next to no sex" - there is even fairly little of that dreaded nudity that religious people seem to be so afraid of.


I'm going to go off on a slight tangent here and state that I have no freaking idea why most religious people think that it is better for a person to see someone’s intestines spilled out on the ground and/or their heads detached from their bodies and fountains of blood created, then it is for a person to see an image such as this one to your left...

 

...and how this girl can somehow be more "damning" and "damaging" then some of the scenes from movies like "Saw" or "Hostel" is beyond my understanding.

Anyways...

In the beginning of this particular episode, Dr. House was working in the outpatient section of the hospital doing his clinic hours (he seriously hates dealing with the with the general public... well... human being in general he really prefers to avoid). And during this particular day in the clinic, one of his patients is a 20-something, fairly heavily made-up, pretty woman who, though many sarcastic innuendos, House discovers is a local prostitute *insert witty banter here* and House seems like he is in heaven being around this sexually confident, slutty woman (and I am using the term "slut" with the utmost respect... it is never meant to be an insult when I use that word).

The whore ends up revealing to House that she has a sore throat and a rash on her neck and upper chest. House deduces (through many TV appropriate double entendres), that she contracted this rash through her work. Apparently, when a human woman gets in too close with any member of the equine family (horses, mules, etc...), there are certain types of diseases that can be contracted inter-specially. The prostitute then leaves House with a flyer (which we never see) inviting him to come watch her performance. Fun stuff - I was definitely amused, my friend was looking more and more perplexed as the scene went on. 

Ok, quick recap --- a whore has gotten a disease from a donkey. Pretty self-explanatory, eh? I mean she is already sexually, ummm, enlightened, yeah, that it...  How do YOU think she caught a disease from a donkey? .......... That's what I thought - Sooooooooo obvious!

Since I have no desire to post pics of an ACTUAL "Donkey Show" in this blog...

Above is the most tasteful picture of naked women and a horse that I could find.

 

I mean with all the cowgirls and horse enthusiasts out there how rare is it that the general public hears about an interspecies disease from horseBACK riding. Diseases like this must be more common amongst horseCOCK riding enthusiasts. Well, at the end of the show, House goes to a Christmas Eve church service, and the camera pans to show the prostitute playing Mary in a live nativity scene. 

My naive friend, Liz, says, "OH! That's how the horse is involved, I was wondering about that."

 

I should have kept my mouth shut. I really REALLY should have. But, instead, without thinking, I laugh at her and unconsciously blurt out something to the effect of "Geez, no way, that woman had sex with that donkey or at least with SOME horse if not that one - I mean, seriously, how else would SHE have gotten the rash and yet no one else in that nativity or even the donkey's owner showed any of the same symptoms?" Open mouth, stick foot in...

So we end up having a long, detailed conversation with me explaining to going-into-shock-Liz about donkey shows in Mexico, women doing various species of animals, and the many other (in her mind) "sick" fetishes that her limited in scope imagination had never thought ANYONE would be interested in, let alone actually participate in.  Liz just kept repeating over and over that she wanted to know if these "perverts knew how many other good, wholesome things there are in God's world that they could be doing to honor Him and be respectful to the body he gave them rather then trying to have sex with a horse." 

I definitely opened the can of worms that evening, and like the proverbial train wreck, she kept asking questions about all of these topics that she really really REALLY didn't want to know about. I explained about clubs that my fellow college students had found while on spring break. Liz was completely aghast that $20.00 would get you in to watch a live show of a live human woman fucking a horse. 

I told her my personal opinion of bestiality too - lest she think that I am personally into this particular type of sex. Its really not that exciting; it's just completely, well, weird - though I suppose it's just one of those issues that is to each his own. But, in the words of that guy from The 40 Year Old Virgin… "you kinda feel bad for the woman, and the horse!"  

Have you ever googled horse porn? These two particular species just aren't physically compatible  to bring each other sexual pleasure. So this porn has to be just for the images and imagination of the viewers and not actually for either participants’ pleasure. The horse’s dick is way too long to even fit 1/10 of it inside a woman. 

Besides that a horse's cock never really looks like it ever gets completely hard. Though I suppose that would be difficult and take way too much of the beasts blood supply considering that his penis is usually close over 24 inches in length - even if we measured it proportionally, the horse's cock is way larger when compared to his body then a mans cock is - it would be like the human male having dick larger then a Pringles can / tennis ball tube thingy. Hence, the proportionally larger supply of blood that would be needed to keep that baseball bat sized thing hard on a horse would make the horse pass out from lack of blood to his lungs and brain.

Anyways, horse porn always looks like you're trying to stuff an uncooked steak into a limp balloon (get that mental picture in your head because that's exactly how it looks and I am not about to post any pics of that particular fetish here, Lol).

And, given these vast anatomical differences, how could any woman view sex with a horse as anything besides a pain in the ass? 


Pun intended...  hehe...


 

So, I finally shut my mouth from its incessant rambling and Liz sits there with a look of absolute horror on her face. Needless to say, despite the fact that she chose the TV show, and she asked the questions, and she never once asked me to change the topic or stop my explanation of the subject ... that evening was one of the last times that I saw my friend Liz. Somehow it was my fault that her "innocence" was destroyed by my knowledge of horse sex. 

I can't be blamed for her curiosity or demonized for being intelligent and informed enough in regards to all aspects of sexuality to be able to answer her questions ... but it doesn't really surprise me, given the level of religious brainwashing she's undergone.

I've always thought that the real reason she avoided me after that discussion was because perhaps, since she was SO sheltered in all areas sexual, she found herself enjoying the description of horse sex a little TOO much for her own comfort and ended up blaming me for giving her kinky, horny dreams of huge cocks... dreams which were so not in line with her church's teachings - well, if she did get to have some sweaty, orgasmic dreams that night, she was so lucky!

"Healthy Strokes"??? Only if you're repressed in all areas of sexuality...

Let me preface this blog by saying ... OMG! I am in shock... www.healthystrokes.com...

I was stumbling around the internet the other day and came across this website where some man has proclaimed himself to be a sexpert and he answers young men and woman (think teenagers) questions about sex and relationships... and mainly focusing on masturbation. There is little-to-no information about who he is and what qualifies him to give advice to this impressionable group of people who are seeking information - other then an email handle of "Doug" and one sentence at the bottom of the front page of the site which says he has a PhD "in a field unrelated to sexuality."

His main page to the website is about a theory of TMS which says boys should never masturbate while laying on their stomachs and "rubbing their penises against the mattress, pillow... or some practitioners lie on their stomachs and thrust into their hands." Apparently in his theory this position for masturbating makes the boy grow up to have erectile dysfunction.

This man did not masturbate incorrectly according to Doug! :-P

This theory is refuted on goaskalice.com where she states that the TMS:

"theory isn't widely recognized in the medical community, and there hasn't been follow-up research to see if his claims are valid. Researchers have cited that these problems with getting and maintaining an erection may be more related to stressors in a person's emotional, psychological and/or physical well-being." 

Its also states on the University of California, Sociology Department website that TMS"

"should be treated as a hypothesis rather than a fact, because of the lack of research and the absence of support from other researchers. No medical dictionary includes Sank's theory about TMS for medical applications. Also, no other research on it has been done since the theory first came out. Additionally, the statistics given in his original research came from a selected audience- and only individuals who were curious about this "syndrome" or feared they suffered from it. All the rest of the scientific literature indicates that there should be no harmful side effects from masturbating in any position. Masturbation is not an addiction, but a habit, and masturbating prone should not affect intercourse. If you have a problem sexually pleasing a female, try several different positions or environments. Do not worry about the TMS article. There are numerous of articles presenting data that are opposite of Sank's argument."

Now that we've established that "Doug" is a quack, I want to bring up the main issue I  - it's with his so-called advice. Majority of the people who write to him for advice/answers are anywhere from 11-16 in age and most of the older-than-16 people that email him are still virgins with little dating experience.

Mini Orca Dildo

Instead of receiving helpful thoughtful advice, or at the very least giving them accurate, consistent information, Doug tells young men that they are biologically required to masturbate as often as possible but only when laying on their backs. And, Doug tells young women basically that their only reason for masturbating is to get themselves accustomed to the feel of having sex with a male partner someday. Therefore anything that is not penis shaped and/or doesn't actually feel like the sensations a woman will get from heterosexual sexual intercourse shouldn't be tried in masturbation. I guess Doug would not be down for a woman using the Mini Orca:

Included in his gems of advice to young girls are such nuggets as:

• Don't use more then one finger on or in yourself, otherwise you may get addicted to the feel of hands, and sex is about having a penis inside you and being able to orgasm from that sensation.
• Don't use anything thicker then a taper candle, otherwise you'll end up stretched out and a penis wont satisfy you.
• Don't use any sort of running water on your clit, because this will desensitize you and after awhile you will lose the ability to orgasm.
• Don't use anything that vibrates, because they will have the same effect that running water will, and then you won't be able to enjoy real sex when you start having it.  And, if you don't enjoy it, then the man won't enjoy it with you and he won't stay with you.
• He claims that girls should never experiment with other girls because that won't get them ready for "real" sex.

To the girl who was "wondering the best way to access porn, because it turns me on. And, is it abnormal that I like to have the TV turned off and a porn pictures in front of me to achieve an orgasm?" Our cums-in-his-pants-at-the-site-of-a-nipple Doug replies, "That's very abnormal for a girl. You should be able to reach orgasm without pictures. You need to learn to be aroused by other things."

To the girl who asked  him "There's this guy who keeps asking me out but I just don't want to go out with him. What should I say?" Our lives-in-his-moms-basement-and-can't-get-a-date Doug replied, "Why don't you give him a chance? There might come a time when guys stop asking."

To the girl who wrote that she has "been masturbating since I was 13 but I can only orgasm when masturbating if I think of a very big penis. Is this normal?" Our small-dicked-and-even-smaller-balled Doug replied, "No. You should try thinking about anything except a big penis for and develop some new interests."

It is astounding to me that all of his answers, whether to young males or females, seemed to be aimed to make sure girls are not sexually aware of their bodies but that boys are sexually mature - this is indicated to the extreme by the fact that Doug states numerous times that it's a biological imperative for males to masturbate and have sex, but that women aren't supposed to like it and/or only supposed to masturbate in ways to prepare themselves to be used by males at some point in the future. Only actual penile penetration is acceptable to Doug on a woman, no toys after she starts having sex with a man ...

... And, I could go on and on with the things that sicken me on this site, but it all adds up to the fact that Doug has never been laid and is a chauvinistic, repressed, twisted male with a huge ego, small brain and even smaller dick...


I think that I have found our Doug...

Anything besides vanilla is feared - Proposition 8

Comics against Prop 8 ... Jack Black is Jesus!

I just saw the video linked above the other day and I’ve been reading a lot of my fellow adult bloggers writings’ lately and it seems like the current hot button issue with many of them is the judge striking down “Proposition 8” in CA as unconstitutional. I’m putting my two cents out there regarding this next step towards making marriage legal for everyone.

For anyone who’s lived under a rock for the past year or so, Proposition 8 was a law enacted in CA that banned homosexuals from getting married. The religious right and their “marriage equals only one man and one woman” slogans and bumper stickers championed this proposition. People who believe things like “homosexuality is not just a sin against God, but a sin against nature" and “homosexual sex as harmful as drug abuse, prostitution or smoking” raised irrational fears and caused a panic. And, unfortunately the ban was initially passed. But, Proposition 8 was challenged almost immediately in the court system. This week, Federal Judge Vaughn Walker has struck down the ban stating it was unconstitutional because (the below is loosely quoted from a couple CNN articles):

“Proposition 8 demanded discrimination solely on the basis of sexual preferences and sexual orientation and it places the force of law behind discrimination against gays and lesbians and the belief that their relationships do not deserve the recognition of society. Proposition 8 somehow passed even though no rational basis for this discrimination was presented. The only reason for Proposition 8, he wrote, is a moral view that there is something wrong with homosexuals, and that is not a permissible reason for legislation. “Moral disapproval alone,” he wrote, in words that could help change history, “is an improper basis on which to deny rights.’”

OK. News flash over. On to the fun stuff. I’ve come to the conclusion that majority of people are afraid of anything except vanilla sex and they will do everything possible to try and squeeze the world into their idea of a “normal” life – married, 2.5 kids and a white picket fence in the suburbs and sex in the missionary position every third weeknight with the lights off.

Here is a little about me. My man and I have been together for over two years, and living together for almost that length of time. We both were tired of dating and agreed to go on one "non-date" and see what happened. Well, short story is that we clicked, and fast forward to today. We are still best friends, have never been seriously upset with each other, living together is awesome, and we are talking about opening up the relationship a little and bringing others into our bedroom (a friend of mine is going to film an adult movie at my house and we both want to ummm "entertain" the actors when they're off-camera. I mean, someone has to keep those cocks hard and pussies wet while they’re waiting for their turn in the spotlight- they can’t be allowed to go into the scene looking bored and limp).

I've been in the swinging scene before and the dom/sub scene, and heck, I was in college after all – I kissed a girl before Katy Perry made it cool. My Hunny has also had various levels of open relationships. But, even as great as things are with us, I have no desire to marry him, nor him to marry me.

I was at a cocktail reception in honor of a family friend the other day and a few different people whom I hadn't seen in 10+ years were making marriage comments to me. No matter how much I tried to explain that I wasn't interested, they seemed to think that it just meant that my man isn't the right one and when I meet "Mr. Right" I will want marriage and babies. Finally, I just started saying that I love my man, I love our life together and that I've no desire to change (and most likely ruin) our blissful relationship just because the sex-starved majority think that a ring should be my only goal. Then I asked them when the last time they had sex with the "love of their life" was because I can generally count the span between getting laid in hours ... and that shut them up. Mortified my mother, but it made the rude questions stop.

However, as much as I do not want marriage in my own life, I do NOT think it is the government’s place to legislate who I could or couldn’t marry! It seems to me that the very definition of separating church and state should have kept this proposal completely off the table. It’s beyond my comprehension how this supposedly free nation could have allowed a law to be passed when it does nothing but attempt to enforce the religious right’s fear of homosexuality.

Because that’s what it is - fear. Just because their holy book says so, the thought of two women or two men falling in love has been brainwashed into them as something ugly instead of something beautiful. I still remember the first time I caught my hunny checking out a chick a few weeks into our relationship. He realized I saw him and was doing that stammering thing that men do when caught in this situation. They are trying to think of some excuse for having eyes that still work when apparently most women think that men’s eyes are supposed to become defective as soon as they are in a relationship with him.

Joking aside, I am straight (mostly), but I do appreciate a woman’s body. We’re beautiful. I’ve had threesomes (MMF and MFF) and foursomes and I am not afraid of touching and being touched. There are quite a few things sexually that I have no interest in doing with a woman, whereas I have next to no limits with men (just the usual - no scat, kids or animals).

But, more importantly to the marriage subject, I’ve never felt even slightly emotionally attracted to a female. I have only loved men in that way. And, since marriage, under the fancy dress and ceremony, is just a legal contract to express the love and commitment that two people have towards each other, I would only ever take that step with a man.

This very fact, that I have a definite opinion about my own sexuality and who I would want to marry if I was so inclined and me knowing that these drives weren’t given to me by someone nor was I coerced into them through societal/religious brainwashing, makes me a complete believer in the fact that whether you’re homo or hetero is not a choice - it is in your nature. I don’t want someone telling me what I can and cannot enjoy in the privacy of my own home with a willing partner, so it only follows that I won’t tell someone else they can’t do “x” – fair is fair after all.

How would Proposition 8 proponents feel if we banded together and made it law that, oh I don’t know, having sex without using a whip was illegal? Or decided that no one was allowed to get married until they had fucked their partner regularly for at least a month? That last one is something which any sane person would do anyways, but most the Proposition 8 supporters that I know aren’t sane. They are all definitely more the “sex is a sin which will make me burn in a lake of fire for all eternity unless I have a ring on the third finger of my left hand, but once I get that ring then sex is OK in missionary position only” type of people.

I guarantee you that even they, these sex-phobic haters, would be on the side of personal privacy if it was theirs being threatened. How can they think that it is moral, by anyone’s standards, to outlaw something natural that people are born feeling/being? The last time someone tried to make genetic traits/heritage illegal/evil, he started World War II.

Besides all that, this is just plain hot!

(Can't forget all the sexy gay men, represented here with Adam Lambert! I love Glambert and his music ... 20 days until I see him in concert - it will be my first real concert ever, outside of small local bands at bars.)

I love this blog and wanted to share!

I loved this blog!

Dirty Sex and Monogamy Is Lame, by Kiera (NSFW)

And, commented as such:

"I view sex the same way you do – it’s refreshing to know there are other women out there that think sex is awesome in and of itself!

I loved where you likened sex to hugs with your friends. Humans need to touch and be touched. I constantly crave the feel of a man’s body, hands and cock touching me, cuddling me, fucking me. I only ever actually “crave” the physical closeness of cock, and never have craved emotional closeness (that being said I have been dating a man I absolutely love for two years and we are open to others in our bedroom).

YES, you haven’t met the right guys yet. For years I “dated” an average of 3-5 cocks at a time and added new ones and weeded out the ones that didn’t work for me on a monthly basis. All of these men knew I wasn’t monogamous to them, and all of them LOVED the fact that I was a no-strings, sexually confident woman. Amazingly enough even tho I just wanted them for their cock, many of these men I grew to be very close friends – some I still consider among my best friends.

So, I definitely don’t think it’s being selfish, a greedy cock hoarder, lazy, or emotionally insensitive at all. As long as you are honest with the men you play with, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having your cock and eating it too!"