Sunday, October 3, 2010

Me? Anti-Feminism?

How can watching a woman being loved on by a man be anti-female in any way?
I sometimes wonder at the blogs I read.

Who are these people who think that they can post "x" and not get a response from me? Why would they put a thought as insane as that out there in cyberspace if not to get a response like the one I am about to leave them?

I've noticed many different types of adult ("sex") blogs that are written by females. In general, I feel that I can split most of the female-written sex blogs I read regularly into one of two groups - they have either a "gender equality" slant or a "pro-feminine" slant to the writing. Both are forms of feminism (looking at them objectively). The term "feminist" has negative connotation to me, but I use it here since it seems to be the "IT" word for modern females.

My blog or at least my outlook on life which should be reflected in my blog is from a definite pro-feminine viewpoint. Here are my simplified definitions of these two terms stated as neutrally as I can manage to define them given I feel so strongly in line with the pro-feminine stance personally. One thing to take notice of is that BOTH of these feminisms believe that the "worth" of a person is not determined by their gender. 
Gender-Equality: a belief system in which a person believes that all men and women are inherently the same and should be treated as such. These feminists believe that the only difference between the two genders is in genitalia and they are constantly striving to make the world be just as gender-blind as it is color-blind (at least as color-blind as it's become over the past 50+- years).These are the feminists that have made Virginia Military Institute (VMI) open to both genders, these are the feminists who bring lawsuits against the PGA or NFL for not allowing women to compete, and these are the feminists who have created a workplace environment where women no longer have to put up with sexual harassment.
Pro-Feminine: a belief system in which a person believes that men and women should be treated equally in life and the workplace and neither gender should be looked down on any more then the other simply because of their gender, BUT these are also people who also believe that women and men are VERY different in very fundamental, biological ways. These feminists believe that each gender should embrace the differences that their gender embodies - but that neither gender is inherently better/worse or higher/lower then the other in life. These feminists are ones who also strive to have equal pay for equal work in the workplace, but they still want/expect men to BE men (do the soldiering, open doors, perhaps even be the main breadwinner in a household).
Now the main issue behind this whole rant is that I have a subscription of Playboy (and Penthouse and Maxim for that matter…). I am 26 years old, straight (maybe bi-curious), and ALL female. Yet I ordered these magazine subscriptions while single. Apparently I am on the complete other side of the fence then the "gender-equality" camp of women regarding the whole porn issue.

I believe that the fact that many in society view females as sex objects is equaled out by the fact that we, as women, can/could use our sexuality (our sex-object-ness) in order to get things that we want/need in life. The fact that some men may see it (being a sex object) as a demeaning thing shouldn’t bother us, as that attitude just makes them easier to push around. Now I’m not a man-hater, or a sneaky manipulating bitch, or anything like that … I am mainly being extreme to make these points - “use what you have” and “men and women ARE different and we should embrace those differences.” Also, I think if a woman wears lipstick and has her self-esteem wrapped up in her looks, then she is just being a normal human with her own issues … Personally I could never justify blaming Hugh Hefner because I can’t go a day without mascara…

And, yet when I posted a comment stating this opinion on a blog that was trying to blame the porn industry for ALL of womens' issues, I got the response of:

"Major FAIL at the feminism! Feminism is about women having choices and about equality between everyone. Porn is demeaning to woman and there is no way that a self-respecting woman could ever look at or support porn and still consider herself doing anything good for any feminist causes."

I wish someone could tell me why my attitude a "fail" at feminism? But, none of the blog responders could explain it and I eventually gave up the discussion. If feminism is about woman having choices- and a female is CHOOSING to use her sex-objectness (by being in or enjoying porn) instead of bitching about having a sexuality - then more power to her. Using your personal assets as positives in your life is not manipulation (any more then any basis for a relationship is by default). Using your assets as assets is simply being smart.

It’s all in your perspective; either the couple has a healthy, happy relationship (which always includes give and take from both parties). Or the couple is just manipulating each other … the man is just using his “protect the girl” instincts as part of the package to “manipulate” the woman into finding him useful and keeping him around. And, the woman is just using her “sex-object-ness” as part of the package to “manipulate” him into staying around and being faithful.
If a woman finds that she is “empowered by being a sex object,” then how is it wrong of her to embrace that? Even if a person truly believes that embracing sexuality it hasn’t helped anyone historically, why is she responsible for all of society’s “women” and not just for herself. If she has found something that works for her, more power to her.

I truely don’t feel that I am anti-female by being pro-sexuality … however, I guess if I have failed at feminism, then so be it. That's really OK with me because “feminism” it isn’t a label I generally claim as fitting me anyways. I truly enjoy the fact that I am female and I enjoy the that my differences from men give me the ability to be desired by men - if being PRO-female is being ANTI-feminism... then I am as anti-feminism as they come.

Wanting my feminine body / heart / soul to be wanted by a man is about as pro-female as I can imagine anything to be...


  1. I agree, but then, I think we have the same brand of "feminism". I like being desired. I like having men find me desirable. I like sex, I like porn. And, if those things make me "anti-feminist" then, awesome, because being "feminist" by those rules sounds like absolutely no fun at all!

  2. I agree! I love my femaleness! I can't imagine going through life being against my very being!