My man is an awesome chef. He does most of the cooking around our house. His specialty is Mexican food - burritos, fajitas, tacos, enchiladas, etc... So I said this to him... "Hun, you know that even tho I love your Mexican food, and I absolutely LOVE when you cook fajitas for me, we both still enjoy going to El Gran Rodeo occasionally right? So what do you think about taking the same approach to our sex life?"
And... now my man and I have been doing the swinging thing for a few months!
It's been, well, an experience to say the least. This is my second foray into the world of swinging and his first - although we've both had numerous casual and exotic relationships before. He's had many many threesomes as have I, and I've had many foursomes and moresomes. He's dated strippers and whores and been a pimp and a gigolo. I've had masters and slaves, I've had a sugar daddy and been the nympho in many relationships.
I could tell you stories upon stories of the first time a man and I tried swinging, and most of them would make you cringe rather then cum. So many people in this type of life are only in it for themselves. They are only in it because they aren't happy with their partner. Their attitude is more along the lines of "my lover sucks, in the bad way, so why don't I foist him off on some random girl while I get to fuck someone new and hopefully better then my own guy in bed, and if he is at all worth it I will then try to steal the new better lover away from his current relationship"(and of course that happens with both genders, not just women).
All that said, this is the first time and first relationship that either my man or I have been in that we cared SO much about our partner and yet still wanted to try opening up the bedroom to others. I actually kind of find it ironic that one of the only men that I've dated who is completely happy with just me and just monogamy is one of the few that I'm trying to convert into a swinger... Other men and other relationships have been rocky from the start and I wouldn't even think of broaching the concept with them - because they would take the conversation me giving them carte blanc to go fuck anything that moves behind my back (which many of them did anyways).
I think that perhaps it is BECAUSE my man and I are SO stable and secure in our monogamy that we feel free to explore some different spices to add to our relationship. It is because I trust him completely with my heart, soul and body, that I trust that I can give him other women to play with and know that it won't end up in cheating and it wont be difficult for us to do safely and honestly and that it wont mess up what we have. As I told him. If I had to choose between monogamy forever or messing up what we have, it wouldn't even be a choice in my mind, all other men would become faint blurs on the edge of my vision. And, because I know he feels the same way, we can add a little dash of this and that to our sex life and not risk what we are to each other.
Which is a good thing since the only way we will swing with anyone is after we get to know and like them as people. We totally understand if people only want a bedroom based relationship (and we don't think it's wrong in the slightest - just doesn't work for us). We are up front and honest with people from the get-go and tell them that we don't put out on the first date, and maybe not even the 2nd or 3rd. We give people the chance to back out because of this friendship first arrangement. If we meet them in person, then it's with the understanding that we all will spend numerous nights getting to know each other before anything more then a goodnight kiss occurs. We feel that the only way any of this will work is if everyone is honest and on the same page. So, we are very sure to lay it all out before meeting anyone.
Even after hearing all this, they continued to chat with us and flirt with us and talked about how awesome it was to meet people who actually wanted to be friends with them and not just get into their pants. It seemed like a promising start to a fun friendship. The only thing that made my man pause was how John would chat him up first thing in the morning and want to know intimate details about me and my pussy.
Anyways, the other night we decided to meet up with them for dinner. We figured it would be a safe time to meet since they "were in town anyways" for a football game that started at 7pm. So, we had a sure excuse to leave after an hour in case we didn't like them. Well, we didn't like them. John in particular was a total redneck creep. His pictures may have technically been him, but they did not show the dirtiness, rudeness, or the sausage like fingers that tried to grope me under the table. He had all the sex appeal of a "funny uncle" who will someday get caught on that "how to catch a predator" show. I cannot describe the deep instinctual shudders that ran through me after less then five minutes in his presence. But, since this scene is about only casual sex, and I claim not to be a shallow person, I didn't run screaming from the restaurant and attempted to give him a chance to have a winning personality or at least some kind of redeeming quality that would make me forget about the creep-factor.
Well, we sent them a very polite email within 24 hours which read:
"Hey there! Thanks for meeting us last night. We appreciated the conversations and friendliness! For the sake of honesty, we wanted to let you know that we don't think that it will work for us in the swinging sense - the chemistry wasn't there, at least on our side. If you guys are OK with friendship, we would be cool with hanging out again sometime. Again, we enjoyed the company. Hope you have a good rest of the weekend!"Then we got the following response:
"your obviusly the new guys at this. there wasnt any chemistry there 4 us toward u.but we was going try to give it a shot.Good luck finding what your looking for . to be honest it will be hard for you to find any people that will play ur dum game of lets hang out till we feel like we want to have sex. most people dont have time to play the gettin 2 b friends game . we were willin to try it 4 you but no more.we dont want u guys anyways i do wish you well in finding what your looking for"Well, at least he wished us luck, Lol. Come to find out, John has a horrible reputation in the local scene of being a total creep. I started talking to some of the other women I've gotten to know this time around in the lifestyle and they backed me up about him- which made me feel at least a little better. Apparently he has an uncircumcised micro-penis with head cheese and only manages to keep Mary around because he swings with her (and allows her to swing without him). He did the same thing to keep his ex-wife and they eventually had to drive up to 6-8 hours away to meet couples who would actually meet them and they have never had a second actual sex swinging night with anyone because he is THAT bad. SO I've compiled a list of things we've learned from them:
- Don't constantly ask another man about his wife/gf's pussy if you claim to want to try and be friends.
- Don't come up with bogus reasons to be in the area near the people you want to swing with, otherwise they will find out that you've lied and then you've blown your first impression.
- Don't come to a first date dressed in too tight jeans and a black t-shirt with satanic symbols all over it.
- Dont talk about planning to beat up your kids and their friends on a first date.
- Don't eat 4 plates of chinese buffet and spill it all over yourself on a first date.
- Don't stare at the cleavage of the female half of the couple you're meeting for the first time constantly to the point of NEVER meeting her eyes in a 90 minute time span.
- Don't put your hands on the female unless her man invites you to.
- Don't act like you can't get enough of the couple and cant wait to have them if you plan to have sour grapes about the fact that they aren't into you.
- Don't say you're ok with a friendship when you obviously are only into notching your bedpost.
- Don't try to get in someone's pants when you have nothing to offer in yours (cleanliness and SKILLS count as something - at least have those).
- Don't send emails to couples that can be made fun of on SO many levels.