Thursday, July 29, 2010

It's all in your point of view...

This is a breakdown of how the gender's view a first date. Obviously, I am not a man, so I'm guessing on his view, but from all the conversations I've had with men, I'm fairly confident that it's accurate for 90% of the men out there... Enjoy...

She’s so nervous. This is their first time going out on a date. What if he doesn’t like her? What should she wear? What if the conversation lags? She spends an hour (easily) getting herself ready. She tries on four outfits, minimum. Even her perfume choice is thought out carefully as to what message it might send to him. This might as well be a job interview. Will this lead to her happily ever after? Is he going to be her white knight? Will her last name change soon?

6pm comes and goes and he hasn’t shown up. She assumes he is standing her up. Where could he be? What is wrong with her that he doesn’t like her? How could she have screwed this up before it even got started? Oh man, was it because I said yes to the date too quickly? Did I come across as desperate?  Oh there is he… well its about damn time- doesn’t he understand how stressful this is? Being more then 10 minutes late requires a phone call, Mr. Right Now.

Ok, smile. He’s coming to the door. Small talk commences. She tries to consciously let go of the fact that he is late and shrugs away his excuse telling him it doesn’t matter- but mentally puts a check on the con side of the “keep him around” list.  She smiles and congratulates herself on choosing the right shirt as she catches him glancing down her blouse. And, puts a check in the pro column as he doesn’t ogle her or become creepy about the attention to her cleavage. He gets another pro check for wearing a collared unwrinkled shirt.

They get in his car and he turns on the radio. What did she do now? Why doesn’t he want to talk anymore? Does he really have to drown me out this soon? This will never last. Who actually doesn’t want to talk on a first date? What the hell is he listening to anyways? Doesn’t he care that anyone outside of angry emo kids actually like this kind of music? As they speed up, he turns the music up. She sits in silence- making another check in the con list.

Well, really! She told him to pick the restaurant, but this is just plain cheap. Who brings someone here on a first date? Oh well, free meal from this man and then we can move on to actually finding her Knight. Is he seriously ordering light beer?  How tacky is that? Small talk continues. He is easy to chat with… put that in the pro column. He shovels food in with both elbows on the table and talks with his mouth full… con column.

He seriously doesn’t have anything planned after supper? No movie, no play, no plan? Is this all the effort he will put into a date with me? He wants to come hang out with me? Well, I guess that’s ok. He did pay for supper after all… we can watch a movie at my place.

They head back to her place. He’s playing that lousy music again. Does he seriously need directions? He just drove to my place 90 minutes ago. Put forgetful in the con column. He doesn’t seem too interested in watching a movie, he has no opinion on what to watch. He is the guest in my home, of course I’m not going to choose what to watch. Well, this is getting awkward. Fine. He won’t choose then I will pick something I want to watch. Here it is… cheesy romance. Watch this movie closely, buddy, you might learn some things.

Two hours sitting in silence at opposite ends of the couch. Fun times. At least he was acting like he enjoyed the movie, check on the pro column. All right. Now the dance to get him out of the house with nothing more then a good night kiss. Turn off the movie and remain standing… that’s right, Romeo, take the hint and stand up too. I’m walking towards the door, follow me. This way, cutie, follow the nice lady’s boobs. Men are so simple. He does have a nice butt, put that in the pro column.

Alright. Tell him it was nice to meet him. Open the screen door and let him out… follow him out. Ok, give him the ok signs. There ya go. Mmmm he does kiss well. Well, a make-out session would be ok, since I won’t be seeing him again.

Is he seriously reaching for the door handle behind me? What a jerk? He thinks that a good kiss gets him invited to bed? Push him away. Goodbye, don’t call me!


And, inside the man's head, here is how he is viewing that same first date…

I should really throw on that shirt mom bought me last Christmas that’s been hanging in my closet for a month. Cut these damn tags off, who likes these things anyways. If I was a sports star I would pay someone to cut all the tags off my shirts. Ok. What time was I supposed to be there again? 6pm or 6:30pm? Oh well, split the difference. 6:15 works. Brush my teeth, run a comb thru my hair. Ok lets go. I wonder if I am going to get laid tonight?

I love this song! Don’t really like this cd but this song rocks! Am I seriously at her place already? I wonder if I’ll get laid tonight. That would rock! Have to remember to finish listening this song when we get in the car. Nice house, nice yard. Is she going to be high maintenance?

She seems a little perturbed at me, but she says nothings wrong lets go with that. Wow look at those boobs. Nice shirt choice, maybe I will get laid tonight!

I love this song! She’s doesn’t seem really into talking I guess I will finish the song. I’m glad I’m going out with a chick that’s ok with just listening to music. This restaurant is awesome, happy hour lasts til 8pm and the fries are homemade! She is easy to talk to, I enjoy being with her. She doesn’t even care that I ordered beer on a first date. Good signs. And that cleavage is… WOW. I don’t think she would wear a shirt like that if I wasn’t getting laid tonight would she?

Score for me! I’m invited back to her place tonight. Why is she making a big deal over the movie? It really doesn’t matter what we watch this is just a segway to bed. Put something in already. Oh god. I can’t believe she’s putting in a romance movie. Well, points for me if I can make her think I’m enjoying it.

Boring. Do chicks really get into this? Why is she sitting over there? Can I move closer? This is only a first date. Geez, I hope I get laid after watching this BS.

Ok movie over, move in for the goodnight kiss. Why is she standing? Ok, I guess she wants me to go. Well, here’s the front stoop. NOW she wants a kiss… make her want it. Give her a taste of what she’s missing out on. She is really into this kissing thing. Lets take this back inside.

Shit. Not tonight I guess. We had such a great time. There will always be date two to try for it again!

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